Replica team kits etc.

Recently I've been emulating my heroes by purchasing and wearing some replica cycling team kit. 

I should point out they're not actually my heroes at all. They're people who get paid to ride bicycles for a living. I'm sure it's hard to do but I'd hardly describe it as heroic. Also, I'm not really emulating them; they don't have to pay for the stuff they wear and they use the top quality versions rather than the cheaper facsimiles I've purchased. 

So, in summary, almost everything I wrote in the first sentence is inaccurate. At best I'm an idiot and at worst I'm a filthy liar.

I was telling the truth about buying replica team kit. It's something I've only started doing this year. Well, even that's a bit of a lie. I've got a couple of Liquigas, Rabobank, Caisse d'Epargne, Cofidis, Garmin and CSC jerseys from a year or two ago but I only started buying other matching items this year. Am I confusing? Am I boring? Yes and yes. 

Anyway, it started with my getting 2011 Lampre bib-shorts and a jersey from Dave Kane Cycles in Belfast (which is a very good pair of shops staffed by a lovely helpful, patient with me and my annoying ways, family). That being the case, I may as well start with a bit of a ramble about them...

Lampre

Items - 2011 bib-shorts (£30GBP @ Dave Kane Cycles), 2011 jersey (£30GBP @ Dave Kane Cycles), 2011 cap, 2012 socks and 2012 bandana

Manufacturer - Santini

Pros - The gripper on the bib-shorts is good and the items all fit me well (although that might say as much about me as it does about the clothing)

I like the pre-shaped bandana. Even I can't screw up tying that one on

Cons - Although it's better than it looks, the chamois/insert on the bib-shorts is rather basic and might not be particularly suitable for regular long rides

Short zip on the jersey 

White socks get grubby and can't be washed at a hot enough temperature to get them looking spotless again

Overall - For what I paid, I shouldn't complain at all but undoubtedly shall. Santini makes a bit of a fuss about all its items being produced in Italy but I don't think the quality of the items is any better than those made elsewhere. If anything, its quality is around the lower end of replica kit I have. It looks the part and is, at the very least, functional but there are higher quality team replica kits out there at similar prices. It does, however, look great. I love the aesthetic of the Lampre kit.

Right, that's enough of that for now. While writing, I found I was even boring myself. I'll witter about some other replica kit in the future OR maybe I won't because it was pretty darned tedious.

Lately it seems almost all of Europe has been subjected to wretched horrid wet weather. Unsurprisingly we haven't avoided any of it here. As a result, my cycling excursions have been limited for the last couple of weeks.

I got complacent during a few hot dry weeks and forgot we normally have cold wet weather. I wasn't the only imbecile. Everybody seemed to be straight out in their shorts, short sleeves etc. Basking in the sun with no memory of the previous weather conditions was de rigueur for a short but glorious period of time.

[Apologies in advance for the boring statistics you're about to read or choose not to read] Beginning on Saturday the 19th of May at 9-41am, I cycled a route I do from time to time. I wore bib-tights and a winter jersey with a baselayer below. The temperature averaged  10.8°C/51.5°F for my excursion with a minimum of 6°C/42.8°F and a maximum of 17°C/62.6°F (which lasted about a minute and was right at the end of my cycle). Setting out at 9-42am on Saturday the 26th of May, I cycled almost exactly the same route, in shorts and a short sleeved jersey, and the average temperature was 25.8°C/78.4°F. The minimum was 21°C/69.8°F and the maximum was a whopping 32°C/89.6°F (again for a very short period right at the end of the cycle). Much as I like it, I'm not sure my Edge 800 is one hundred percent accurate with temperature but, assuming it's vaguely correct, how are such changes in temperature in a mere week even possible?

It's now (as you can tell from the date on this post) the middle of June. I went out for a cycle yesterday and had to wear a long sleeved baselayer below a short sleeved jersey and a pair of 3/4 length bib-knickers to cope with an 11.2°C/53.2°F average temperature. This is all rather discombobulating. I seem to remember there being definite seasons when I was a child. Perhaps it's a rose tinted memory and we've always had crazy temperature changes. Whilst on the subject of weather; Do you know lots of people who obsess over the weather despite not partaking in any activity which the weather affects? It seems loads of people gripe and moan about the terrible weather even though they spend almost their entire lives indoors. If I didn't want to do anything outdoors, I don't think the rain would bother me too much. 

Despite the weather grumbles, I managed to get out for a cycle last Sunday. Normally Sunday is the day we'd go out with one of the local clubs but I was trying out a new pair of Northwave 'Extreme Tech' shoes and didn't think my stopping constantly to adjust my cleats would be popular on a club run. I bought them because the Diadora 'ProRacer 2.0' shoes I bought a couple of months ago have started to hurt that bony bit on the top-right of my left foot. The Diadoras have got a little plate where the adjustable strap anchors and it has hurt my foot far more than one might imagine. It really is quite close to agony to attempt to wear the shoes. I tried e-mailing Chain Reaction (where I bought them) ten days ago and was told they were going to contact Diadora and get back to me. I'm still waiting. That's not good customer service. Besides, what useful insights are Diadora going to share? Will they send me some magic dust to sprinkle over the problem area and make everything okay?

Anyway, I'm wittering and should get back to my original point... I was out cycling last Sunday. While cycling uphill on a skinny country road, a car was hurtling downhill (toward me) at quite a pace. I did that invisible basketball dribble with my right hand to signal for the driver to slow down a bit. He didn't. Rather than brake, he decided to flip me the bird. Not pleased by this, I returned his bird with one of my own. Apparently it was okay for him to do this to me (and risk my life by nearly driving into me at speed) but my return of his gesture was beyond the pale. The ignoramus (the one in the car, not the one on the bike) stopped his car and began to reverse toward me. I, being a wuss, was rather frightened at the prospect of being punched/beaten/run over and kept cycling on as I had been. Thankfully the Neanderthal only reversed a little and then drove on but it reminded me, when cycling, it pays to have a long fuse and a short memory. 

We're so vulnerable when out on our bikes, compared to those driving large metal machines. If people shout abuse, drive dangerously, gesture in a less than pleasing manner etc. it seems the safest course of action from the cyclist is complete inaction. It's not easy to ignore someone who is being aggressive and bullying toward one but pressing on and trying to forget about it is probably the best thing to do. It's frustrating. People, of course, should not be treating one another in such a manner and people who do treat other likes that certainly shouldn't be behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. Unfortunately they are and all we can do is try to make our cycles as enjoyable and safe as possible. As my almost blown rear tyre has shown me, there are enough potential dangers for cyclists outside the actions of others without enraging some idiot stranger too.

Sorry about writing quite so much and thanks for reading. 

P is for...

As threatened promised, P is for Purchasing. I'm going to write some more ill informed opinion about something I've bought recently. What a treat this must be for you.

Today's subject is Castelli's Fondo bib-tights. Before I go any further, I'll ruin it by telling you, in almost the words of Tony the Tiger, 'They're frickin' great!'.

I'd rather not have to wear bib-tights in the middle of May but, if I've got to, these are great bib-tights to find myself wearing. 

Unlike some other bib-tights I could mention, the Fondo tights are a marvellous fit; they may well be the best fitting cycling item of clothing I own. No flapping or loose crotches with these tights. They're snug and extremely comfortable while allowing full freedom of motion. I don't find myself having to adjust them at all once they're on and the KISS3 chamois  more than does its job. 

At the risk of sounding like a complete pervert, it seems to diminish that awful smell of one's sweaty gusset extremely well. If I give it a quick sniff upon getting home, it's not absolutely rancid. Who even knew that was possible? In addition to being fairly stink free, the KISS3 (despite being fairly thin and unobtrusive) is remarkably good in terms of comfort.

The tights themselves are splendid. They seem to give me the most support where needed and allow my blood to flow where it's supposed to be going. Although not of the super warm variety, they definitely keep me snug and happy in the temperatures suggested on the Castelli website. They don't have any special windproofing qualities (or pretend to) so an additional pair of windproof tights might be wise to own for blustery conditions OR maybe looking out the window, saying "It's a bit windy, I think I'll stay inside" would be even more wise.

As an indication of how highly I regard these bib-tights; I've bought six pairs of them. That's not to be taken entirely out of context. I should point out I haven't payed the £109GBP RRP (or close to it) for any of them. I firstly bought two plain black pairs from ProBikeKit for £59-40GBP each and then noticed Evans (as in the bike shop rather than the clothes shop for the medium to larger lady) was selling them for (including a 15% discount offer at the time and some Quidco cashback) less than £50GBP a pair. That being the case, I bought another four pairs from there (one in blue and three in Italian Flag). Smashing! All in all, I got six pairs of Fondo bib-tights for the RRP of three. Hoorah! 

At the time of writing this, Evans is still selling them for £59-99GBP and currently has a 10% discount on top of that. If you're interested, you could do a lot worse.

P is for...

P is for P-P-P-Puppy Power...

...but not in this case.

It's for Purchasing again. As promised/threatened, I'm going to write a blathering load of auld muck about some stuff I've bought in the past couple of months. This time, I'll witter about a couple of pairs of bib-tights.

Craft Performance Bike Storm Bib-Tights

As their catchy name suggests, these are some windproof bib-tights made by the company Craft. What do I think of them? As I'm lazy, I'll copy and paste the overlong review I did for ProBikeKit and they seem to have chosen not to post.

PROS:

• Windstopper type fabric does, as suggested, stop the wind.
• Tights are generally warmer than the thin material at the back (windstopper at the front) might suggest.
• Chamois, while not outstanding, is at least 'good enough'. There are superior chamois available but it's definitely comfy enough to go for a few hours on the bicycle without any pain or problems.
• Stitching etc. seems good and the general quality of the bib-tights is fairly high.

CONS:

• A bit of a weird fit. I'm about 5' 10"/1.78m tall and weigh around 152 lbs/69Kg. I bought size medium and they're pretty loose round the legs and a little MC Hammer at the gusset.
  I don't think it's merely my stick-like bird's legs causing problems; they're a snug fit in other bib-tights. I wonder if it's partly to do with the windstopper fabric. It doesn't seem to have the same stretch as the likes of Lycra and might not pull so taught to one's legs. Or, alternatively, I could be completely wrong. Whatever the case, the bib-tights aren't as snug as fit as one might like.
• Despite also listing it as a pro, I think the chamois could be better on a pair of tights retailing at over £100 GBP. Maybe I'm slightly delusional about what one can expect his/her money.

In summary; I think the RRP (£107 GBP) on these bib-tights was a tad on the high side, given their 'fitting' concerns but the ProBikeKit sale price (£70-20 GBP when I bought them but up to £97-20 GBP at the time of posting this) is considerably better value. 

The looser legs and low slung crotch aren't really a major problem when pedalling (although there is the odd bit of catching on the end of the saddle to annoy one with). It generally takes a bit of 'hiking up' to get into a comfortable position before setting off and never sits quite as one would desire. If one has huge, thick but quite short, legs s/he'll probably find they're an excellent fit. Otherwise, s/he'll probably discover a smaller size would fit the girth of his/her legs better but the usual size will fit the length.

I hope that's of some use. Apologies for wittering.

P is for...

P is for Pervert: Before I go any further, I feel the necessity to explain the photo on the left. It's from a film called Pervert! The Horror Channel seemed to keep showing it for a while but now appears to have given up. I tried to watch it once but didn't have the dedication to see it through, giving up quite early on. It's very much in the sub-sub-Russ Meyer mold; like something Meyer might have considered but decided against due to its low quality.

Explanation of that over, Why is P for pervert? Again it's a slightly long winded explanation of something simple...

A couple of weeks ago my good lady and I were round at a house belong to friends of ours [Yes, all these people really do exist outside my imagination] and we were talking about cycling. One of our friends said he thought Lycra wearing cycling was for perverts. I assume he was joking. However, I was rubbing some chamois cream around the general area of my anus today and about to pull up bib-shorts which revealed the outline of my genitals quite plainly and thought 'Joking or not, he has a point'.

Continuing in that theme, last night I did my first cycle leg shave. I'll be honest, I did it as much for something to do and a bit of 'I wonder why people do it. I'll do it and see if it makes any difference' as anything. I'm knee deep in cycling perversion.

So, my question is : Are cyclists little more than a thinly disguised bunch of pervs?

By the way, I've tagged this post with the word boobies. If past experience is anything to go by, I expect it to get many more views than the vast majority of the other posts on this blog.

P is also for...

I was initially going to nab this piddly image but thought the picture I chose seemed more appropriate to here.

P is for Panic: I had a cyclist's nightmare the other morning. I was on the last leg of my getting ready to head out for a cycle routine; I'd reached the have a small cup of coffee stage. On went our Dolce Gusto coffee machine (if you click on the link, I hope you thoroughly enjoy their music), in went the Cafe Lungo (whatever that is) pod, over went the actually put coffee in a cup lever and 'Pffft!', out came a few drips before the machine went kaput.

'Eek!', 'Jakers!', 'Cripes!', 'Egads!' and other such words people don't actually say or think unless they're characters in a cartoon. I feared my, seemingly correct, actions had destroyed our beloved so simple even an idiot like me can use it coffee maker.

You may not be one who finds cycling and coffee go together as an almost inseparable pair but I am and I'm definitely not alone. The thought of breaking up that relationship was not one I relished. Plus, I didn't want to have to pay to get the coffee machine fixed or replaced. Tears were considered but didn't appear.

Needless to say, my panic and worries were for nothing. It was a wonky coffee pod. The machine was absolutely fine, coffee was consumed and a slow tootling cycled ensued. The world was a wonderful place.

P is for Peculiar: From time to time I'll perform an action and think afterwards 'Why on Earth did I do that?'. That time to time happened for me again on Friday.

I'd been cycling a (by my standards) hilly route along the Antrim coast and was thoroughly knackered while making my (slow) crawl up the coast. Passing through (makes me sound like a poop) Carnlough, some wag (ie. a cocky spide) was weaving all over the road on his oncoming bicycle. As he neared me he said, something along the lines of, 'What about a race mate?' while laughing. Usually I go into immediate self-depreciation mode and say the likes of 'Ach no. You'd only beat me too easily' but the fatigue of the day must have addled my mind.

Rather than humouring him, I waited until he was directly opposite me, looked him dead in eyes, grinned manically and flipped him the bird. Weird as it sounds, I seemed to think this was all good natured japing around at the time. I didn't mean it to be particularly offensive. Cocky spide, however, seemed less than enamoured. Oops! Unlikely as it is, if Cocky Spide is reading this, please accept my apologies (particularly for calling you a cocky spide).

P is for Pheasants: Loads of the buggers. It seems everywhere I cycle, asides from urinating (see previous P), I have to avoid pheasants.

Pheasants don't appear to be terribly smart, even as birds go. Rather than having the common sense to run or fly away from the oncoming bicycle, they have a tendency to run a few feet in one direction, turn around to run in another random manner and repeat this until they're either safe or involved in a crash. They're lovely birds but rather nonsensical. At least, in their defence, they're pheasants and not peasants. I'd hate to sully myself writing about the lower classes.

P is for Purchasing: I've had an almost obsession with buying (cheap) cycling stuff recently. Mainly it has comprised of jerseys and the odd bit of other clothing. It makes me wonder why I buy it all.

It's not that I have a huge vault filled with cycle gear but I certainly have enough to be getting on with. I could probably wear the stuff I have for the next five or ten years and not have to purchase another item of cycle clothing yet purchase I do. My (very basic) theory on this is of the old donkey and carrot scenario; If I buy cycling garments, I'll want to try them out. To try them out I have to go for a cycle. Therefore buying cycle clothing pushes me to go out and cycle more.

Of course it could just be that I like getting stuff.

P is for Pique: Pique's probably too strong a word but it starts with a P so it'll do. I'm sorry to say deflate doesn't start with a P so it won't do. Maybe I should have tried to shoehorn in puncture in an emotional sense? With the bicycle reference, that might have seemed almost clever. What a shame I'm not.

Anyway, my slightly peeved (maybe I should have used P is for Peeve) grump comes from an order I made with Bike Dock. I had ordered my lovely lady three pairs of their Altura Night Vision tights because they were listed for a mere £19-99 GBP each. It seemed like a great price. In addition to the tights, I ordered some other bits and pieces. I think the total order came to a little over £130 GBP.

This morning I received an e-mail apologising and telling me they had a software problem and the tights were incorrectly priced on their website. Apparently the actual price is £34-99 GBP. As the error had been on their part, they said they'd give me another ten percent off the £34-99 GBP.

I appreciate it was an error and am grateful for their apology but, more often than not, companies tend to honour the incorrect price. That being the case, I decided to cancel the order in its entirety. It's the first time I've tried to order anything from Bike Dock and it doesn't entice me to do so again. I'd imagine they're not obliged to sell items at the listed price if there is a mistake but it annoys me they didn't offer to do so. As I wrote earlier, in my experience, normally shops do sell items for the listed price in this scenario. It was, after all, their mistake.

Rather than put me off shopping there, they could have honoured the price and I would have thought 'That's good of them. I'll shop there again' instead of my current 'That's not as good as other shops. I'll not hurry back there to buy anything'. It seems silly on their part. They might have had to take a slight hit on tights but would have earned a new customer (potentially both online and physically in the shop) and good words from me to other prospective customers. Besides, I'd think the profits from the other items I was going to buy likely more than offset any losses incurred from the tights.

As I say, they didn't do anything particularly bad, they just didn't do anything that good. Other shops have shown considerably superior customer service and will get my business instead. They've left a bit of a bad taste. Maybe they'll write back to my cancel the order e-mail and redeem themselves. That remains to be seen. I'll be surprised if they do.

Third time lucky

Remember my witter about 'silly' cycle jerseys? No? It was the one with the photo of boobs. Ah, you remember now.

Anyhoo (as people don't actually say), in that post, I mentioned about ordering a Foska Kwik-E-Mart jersey from Evans Cycles.

As is customary in these affairs, I paid for the jersey and it arrived in the post. As is also customary in such situations, I wore this jersey while cycling (just the once), the hem unravelled and a long white thread tried to make its way into my gearing (thankfully failing to do so). Evans was phoned, apologies were made (by them, not me), the jersey was sent back (with me paying for the shipping), time was waited and another jersey (as if by magic) arrived in the post.

Again going with custom, I opened the package and looked at the jersey. This time, I didn't even need to put it on to see it wasn't good. Down the left side, a thread had been caught, pulled and left the jersey laddered/hitched up. I'm not sure what the actual expression is but hope my stumbling wordage gets you in the right ballpark. Oh and it had dirty dusty warehouse smudges on it but they were washable.

So, on the phone to Evans I went again and this time had a good whinge at them about having to spend so much on posting the jerseys back, driving to and from the post office etc. (although I'm not sure there actually as an 'etc.'). The nice chap from Evans told me to hang on to the faulty jersey (which is wearable but not of merchantable quality) and had another one (which he inspected beforehand) sent out to me.

The new jersey, so far, seems to be in good condition and has not fallen apart after one wear. We'll see how it survives a mild wash.

In summary, the lessons learned are; Evans Cycles eventually seems to sort problems out to customers' satisfaction and whinging at people is the best way to get results.

Onto other matters...

Hasn't this week been appalling! Being one who, whenever possible, doesn't cycle in the rain, I've been going spare. I've had a terrible case of cabin fever, sitting indoors getting gradually angrier and angrier about and at the weather.

The weather isn't a great thing to get angry at. There's never any satisfactory conclusion. I can be angry at it for rainy weeks, become friends again when the rain subsides and it'll still turn round and rain all over me without any concern for how it might make me feel.

I suppose it's better to direct one's anger at the weather than at other living beings. However, in writing that, my cabin fever has made me even more insufferable to live with than normal. It's amazing quite how depressed the inactivity was making me feel. Getting out for a quick (in terms of time, not my speed) ride yesterday was like opening a frustration valve.

By nature I'm a fairly lazy chap. I don't particularly enjoy exercise for exercise sake. In fact, if I perceived cycling as exercise and not an activity, I'm not sure I would enjoy it very much. Other than cycling, I haven't been doing much cardiovascular exercise and I miss it terribly when I'm housebound by the weather. I could (and should) use a treadmill, spinning bike, cross-trainer, rowing machine and suchlike and attempt to keep get fit that way but it's not something I derive much pleasure from and find it hard to motivate myself to partake in such activities. If I was more of a fan of banging Eurotechno, I might find it easier.

Thanks for reading and may the weather where you are be always sunny (although not really because that would probably lead to some terrible problems with crops, water supplies and all that auld caper).

Silly Cycle Jerseys

Maybe silly isn't the right word for the jerseys I'm going to babble about. A silly cycle jersey might be one made of a material entirely unsuitable for purpose. For example, a paper cycle jersey (while good at blocking the wind on descents, for a while anyway) would be a silly cycle jersey; it wouldn't wash very well and the wicking properties are at best questionable. No, the more I think of it, the more I realise the jerseys I'll bore you about with my prattling barely related nonsense aren't silly.I suppose they're more flippant. That's not to be confused with flippant the bird, a practice one shouldn't undertake even with the most arrogant of drivers (unless one wishes said driver to turn round and drive over one).

Was there a reason or point to this? Barely and I'll struggle to make it with a series of terrible puns and vaguely related/disjointed paragraphs. Have fun reading...

Does a cycle jersey say much about the person wearing it? I'm not sure. I guess it does as much as general day to day clothing. Possibly more. In fact, almost definitely more. If pressed (I'm so sick of strangers constantly asking my opinion on cycle jersey purchasing) I'd say, for most, there's a more proactive process in buying and wearing cycle clothing than with general clothes. Perhaps I'm too subjective on this subject because I probably put more thought into my cycle clothing purchases than my general garb. In my case it's partly because my cycling ensembles tend to be more expensive than my normal clothing. That's not to say my cycling attire is of the highest quality and price. It's not. I'm an equal opportunities tightwad cheapskate in all walks of life.

In summary, it's safe to say one's cycle jersey says something about him/her. What is this something it says?

As usual, all I can do is write from personal experience or the shared experiences of friends. As I have no friends, that narrows it down to personal experience. When I started cycling as an adult (see old posts like this for some boredom about that subject) I was a bit of a moron when it comes to cycle clothing. At first, I didn't want 'Stupid looking Lycra shorts' or anything like that. After getting more into cycling and buying a second hand Peugeot road bike (which I still have a soft spot for but never use nowadays) I realised wearing activity appropriate clothing was a good move. Let the ne'r-do-wells scoff at me all they like.

Initially I deliberately bought very plain jerseys etc. I was very much of the opinion that 'I'm not going to wear any team stuff because I'm not a competitive cyclist and, even if I was, I wouldn't be at the level of the pros and shouldn't wear their stuff'. While I'm no faster or more competitive than I was and am more aware than ever of the huge gap in fitness between me and professional cyclists, I've since bought a few team jerseys. At the time, I also thought drivers might think 'Aye, there's one of those Lycra clad wannabe cycle race b@5t@rd5' and didn't want anyone behind the wheel of a potential battering ram to show any more bitterness toward me than was absolutely necessary. Come to think of it, I still reckon some motorists might be a bit that way. I am, however, of the opinion people with such attitudes will look for something to aggravate them in anything. There's no winning with some people.

Something which put me off wearing team kit was an example of my own snideness. We were passing a guy in a Fassa Bortolo kit one day. He was less than slim and I commented (only to the passenger in the car) 'Fatty Bartolo' (I was throwing stones and risked breaking the glass in my own house). It made me think 'If I'm a snide enough twat to say that, what could I expect passing motorists to shriek out the window at me?'. Not being a fan of random abuse, I shied away from such clothing for a while. I still don't wear much team kit but, at the same time, I like watching the Pro Tour and now see no reason not to wear associated clothing. I'm evidently less snide and more confident than I once was.

'What does any of this rubbish have to do with silly or flippant cycle jerseys?' you ask (if you're still reading). If you did ask that, you've made a good point. I have wittered rather. It's not much of a post really; it's merely about my penchant for more flippant cycle jerseys. I order a couple of Foska Simpsons themed jerseys (from Evans Cycles) today and it made me think 'I'm partial to a bit of silly jersey'. I should have thought 'I'm partial to a bit of a flippant jersey'. The jerseys I ordered were the Kwik-E-Mart short sleeve and the Duff Beer long sleeve. They're hardly especially zany shirts to wear and I wouldn't wear t-shirts of them in my day to day life (admittedly this makes little sense) but here's hoping they're a good fit and look well. I suppose, going back to an earlier point, part of the reason (in addition to my simply liking them) in getting such jerseys is in the (vain?) hope some motorists might think 'Ach, he's just some spud out to have fun on his bike. I'll not bother running over him'.

I also bought a half price token from the Bike Radar Daily Deal thingamajig to get a jersey off the Half Baked Brand website. That's what started all this off today and led to my looking at (and then buying) the Foska jerseys. I really shouldn't sign up for special offer e-mails. They end up costing me a lot. I'm not sure which jersey to get from Half Baked Brand. I'd have liked the long sleeve Milking It! jersey but it's only available in enormous sizes and I'm a wretched little pune. The short sleeve Milking It! is good but I wish it didn't have the words 'Milking It!' on the back. The green Milking It! (which reminds me a little of Sky's Tour de France ensemble) doesn't have the words on the back but I think I might prefer the white jersey (although the green appeals to me more as I keep looking at it). The white jersey is probably more noticeable and that's something worth taking into account, although the green isn't exactly subtle itself. Another option, which would be less selfish, would be to get my good lady the pink Milking It! jersey. Oh such awful high pressure decisions! The more I look at them, the more I think any of them would be good.

Whichever I pick (with the exception of my showing an unusual generosity and choosing to get a top for not me) it can join my Tunnocks Teacakes, various Primal and Northwave jerseys and whatever other associated tat I pull round my unfit form and sweat profusely in.

Ultimately the jersey means most to the wearer and much less than the wearer. It doesn't help me go faster or get fitter but it might increase my enjoyment in giving it a bash.

NB Believe it or not, this wasn't entirely an excuse to show a picture of a lady with her painted bosoms on display. I had started blethering on long before I found the picture.

The beginning of the end

Some may say I'm prone to a little hyperbole when it comes to titling these (normally waffling and not terribly interesting) posts. I'd have to agree.

'The beginning of the end' may be slightly misleading. The only thing ending is the summer. Not surprising really, what with it being the last day of August and all that, but never a pleasant experience.

'Er indoors (or some other 70s, slightly unpleasant term) and I were out for a tootle on our bikes today. That means we were out cycling in a leisurely manner, not urinating on them. Anyway, yes, we were out for a cycle and it was the first time for months when we've had to wear our 3/4 length knickers instead of our shorts. Arm warmers were also a requirement today. I fear this is the shape of things to come.

Our delightful flimsy summer garb will be shoved away in the bottom of a box and we'll be dusting off our long sleeved jerseys, bib-knickers, long sleeved base layers, bib-tights, gilets, winter gloves, glove liners, jackets, under-helmet skullcaps and any other heat retaining cycle clothing we can think of. I know it doesn't matter or stop me being able to get out on my bike but it still makes me a little sad to be saying 'Bye bye' to the summer until next year. Phooey! Maybe I need to consider moving somewhere altogether warmer, although I'm sure hotter climates have associated problems I probably haven't considered.

This is more as a reminder to myself than anything; I forgot to start the timer/data recording on my GPS today after stopping for lunch. That's annoying, especially as some of it was up a wee climb I wanted to look at afterwards. Double phooey!

Despite all my grumbling, I had a lovely day out on my bike and hope to continue doing so through autumn and winter (which would make a change for me).

By the way, is it ironic that I missed the live coverage of the Vuelta because I was out cycling? Perhaps not as professional cycling and what I do have almost nothing in common .

Teats and testicles

Forgive my tabloid headline please. I kind of hoped it might draw a bit of traffic to this blog/whatever it is.

On that subject, I was looking through the statistics of this here bit you're reading

to see why the few people who've looked at it have done so. It turns out the vast majority were searching for Kraftwerk. I had mentioned about their cycle jerseys, in this post, six years ago. Quite slyly, in bringing that up, I've just mentioned Kraftwerk again (and again there) so that should help more. I'm such the evil mastermind me. In case you're interested, I've yet to see a Kraftwerk cycle jersey in the flesh.

'Plugging aside, what's with the tabloid headline?' I'm glad you asked (even if you didn't). It refers to something I was thinking about yesterday whilst out on another brief and enjoyable cycle...

I had to stop at the roadside for a quick pee (it was a very minor road and a reasonably major pee). After urinating I, of course, had to pack my belongings away again and noticed I've changed the manner in which I do this. I used to be a shove to the side man in the past but now seem to have evolved into a lift and then move to the side genitalman (oh the terrible pain of a terrible pun). In case you're interested, sir dresses to the left.

This isn't merely an excuse for me to blather about my genitals on the internet. If that's all it was, I'm sure there are much more appropriate websites. No, there is supposed to be some vague purpose.

Cycling, although a kinder activity than many in terms of knee injuries, juddering action etc. can be quite uncomfortable for some (both male and female) when it comes to their gusset and associated area. I've found the up and to the side method of packing helps with this. I've never really suffered in the manner some people seem to but my comfort is improved with the addition of a lift. If anyone reading this thinks 'I'll give that a go' and finds his comfort improved too, then it had to be worth mentioning.

The funny thing is I imagine I decided to incorporate the lift after seeing someone else do it. I can't, however, think of any situation where I would have seen another man adjusting his junk before getting on a bicycle. It's not something they show an awful lot of on cycling coverage.

I'm afraid there's not much I can do to help female cyclists other than to advise you look here and search for information on saddles etc. (or basically anything bicycle related).

It might also be an idea to make sure you're using a decent chamois cream. I've started using Udderly SMOOth chamois cream over the past few months. To me, it seems like a step up from the Portia (whose website no longer seems functional) cream I was using previously and wrote about here. The Portia stuff was fine but I prefer the feeling of the Udderly SMOOth. It seems to moisturise more and I like that. Plus, maybe I'm a bit of a perv and like spreading Udderly SMOOth directly round my gusset rather than squirting it onto the chamois as I did with the Portia. Who knows what goes on in one's dirty little mind?

Being a fool for an e-mail inbox bargain, I ordered a pair of Power Race 'Tornado' sunglasses (in white frames/blue lens) yesterday from Planet X. Lo and behold, said sunglasses arrived today. Thank you both Planet X and the postal service. As it's very wet today and I'm a fair weather cyclist (or at least intend to be even if it doesn't always work out that way) I haven't had a chance to try my Power Race sunglasses yet. They look good and came in quite elaborate packing (including a hard case, soft sleeve and little lens cleaning cloth) but only actual on bike wear will tell the full story.

Mentioning about my intent to be a fair weather cyclist reminds me of how close I was to an awful soaking yesterday. I popped out for a quick cycle. It was fairly sunny throughout and generally great weather. While putting my bike away and giving it a wipe down, about ten minutes after getting back, there was a prolonged consistent downpour of torrential rain. Missing it more than made up for the shower I got caught in last Thursday. As you may be able to tell, I'm not a great fan of cycling (or doing anything outdoors) in the wet.

I chose a good time to fall back in love with cycling. With both the Vuelta and inaugural USA Pro Cycling Challenge on at the moment, I'm suitably satiated while saturated with cycling. I've been doing a split shift of going out for a cycle, watching the Vuelta when I arrive home (yes sometimes I watch it before showering, euch!) and then it's the USA Pro Cycling Challenge in the evening. It's most peculiar how watching professional cycling enhances my enjoyment of cycling and vice versa. My pottering round flat roads and the professionals' speeding up mountains have very little in common. I suppose the USA Pro Cycling Challenge and I have no live pictures on TV for extended periods of time (in my case forever) in common but that's about it.

Before I go, I've noticed my new bike has started making annoying creaking noises when I'm up on the pedals and pressing down with my right leg/foot. I wonder if it might be linked to another little problem I have with it. It's nothing major. It's just that there's a tiny bit of play in the forks. What I mean is; if I pull on the front brakes and push the bike forward (gently) the rear of the bike (up to the head tube) will move slightly while the front wheel stays still. It's very minor but I'd rather it didn't do it at all.

I've noticed the spacers on the vertical bit of the stem (at least I think that part is still the stem) seem fairly loose compared to those on other bikes I have. On my new bicycle, I can twist them round easily with my fingers. I can't do that with the other bikes. Does that mean I should loosen the bolts at the back of the horizontal section of the stem and tighten the bolt which goes down into the steerer? Forgive my lack of knowledge when it comes to the proper terms please. My fear is overtightening and ending up having to get new forks or something awful like that. As I'm not used to working with a carbon frame/forks/steerer and don't have anything to measure the torque, I'm far from confident when it comes to making such adjustments. Perhaps taking it to someone more knowledgeable would be for the best.

Whatever the weather

Not that I'm likely to head out for a cycle at 10pm but it's just as well if Metcheck's forecast for tonight is to be believed (if you click on the image it should increase in size). I better remember to bring a jacket if I'm doing anything...

On that subject, at what temperature does anyone decide 'It's too cold to cycle wearing shorts and short sleeves. I'll wear something warmer'? I'm not sure at which point it happens with me. It might actually be as much seasonal as temperature related. What I mean is, for example, it was probably as cold when I was out a couple of days ago as it was during late spring. In spring I'd have been wearing 3/4 length bib-knickers and a long sleeved base layer below a short sleeved jersey. However, in 'summer' (if it could be called that) I have stuck with shorts and a short sleeved jersey with a sleeveless base layer below. Where's the sense in that?

Does the ground hold a bit of heat which builds up over the summer or am I merely in the habit of wearing lighter clothing and too stubborn to change? If anyone reads this and knows, please share your thoughts. It would be good for me learn something.

More uninteresting thoughts

Here we go. I've been thinking again. Not deeply. Just thinking. Yes, it's about cycling (again).

I've had a bit of a one track mind when it comes to activities lately. It's almost as if I'm discovering cycling all over again. Well, I write 'discovering'. I'm fairly sure someone else knew about it before me.

A few posts ago I mentioned about getting a new bicycle and how there was a lot of 'left to right sway' when I was standing on the pedals. I put that down to, mainly, a lighter frame than I'm used to. However, another aspect I wondered about is whether the shorter cranks (170mm crank arms rather than my usual 175mm) might make a bit of difference there too? If I'm used to pushing that extra half centimetre down on one side and pulling up the same on the other, maybe I've been yanking my cranks (oh please, let's not get bawdy)? Of course, it could be down to a bit of clumsiness on my part too.

Right as I write, I'm trying Garmin Connect for the first time. I've tried Only Connect before (with limited success) but never Garmin Connect. Some might say that's a little overdue of me. As anyone reading this knows (I've mentioned it enough) I've had a Garmin bicycle GPS for a few years. From the little tinkering about I've done with it so far, it seems a step up from Training Center (which is quite basic). I think this may be the start of something beautiful.

I was out on my new bike today, testing both it and my wonky knee. Both seemed to pass my tests (thank you Voltarol). For those who follow this (all none of you) yep, I did end up wearing my b'Twin base layer. Of course I'm way too lazy to have done the washing.

ADDENDUM: Just to mention, Garmin Connect has one slightly annoying flaw/non-feature. You can set the units to 'Statute', 'Metric' or 'Statute UK'. If I set it to 'Statute' I get distance in miles and elevation in feet (which I comprehend). However, the temperature is shown in Fahrenheit (which I don't comprehend). If I set it to 'Metric' I don't understand any of it and have to convert everything. If I set it to 'Statute UK' the distance is shown in miles and the temperature in Centigrade. Hurrahs and awkward slapping of hands in the air all round? I'm afraid not. It shows the elevation in metres.

It would be better if one could set the units used for each field individually. I ended up having to choose 'Statute' and look at this Temperature Converter to know how hot or cold it was.

Craft Cool Mesh base layers

Did you read a little post I wrote a few days ago, where I was praising Craft Cool Mesh base layers? No? You can read it now if you like.

The reason I mention them is my having ordered another two of them from Sigma Sport, the cycle people (not to be confused with Sigma Sport, the cycle people). They were £15 GBP (delivered in the UK) each and you can see them here. That's a few pounds less than normal. Just thought I'd give it a mention in case you're thinking of getting one yourself. I'm not on any commission I'm sorry to say.

I also bought one of those b'Twin (aka Decathlon own brand) sleeveless base layers when we were in Decathlon a month or two ago. It was perfectly fine the time I wore it but isn't as good a fit as the Craft base layers and will remain a backup.

As both the Craft base layers I own are in the wash basket (my new ones haven't arrived yet) it's quite possible the b'Twin base layer will get an airing pretty soon. Either that or I could get round to washing stuff.

That's all folks. I hope that information was of some use to you.

ADDENDUM: So much for that. It turns out Sigma Sport didn't even have the base layers in stock (despite listing them as being in stock). I ended up ordering them from Amazon (for £16 GBP apiece) instead. It probably worked out better as Amazon had the black base layers in stock and I prefer them, even though they'll be below a jersey and nobody will see them anyway.

Thoughts of a mildly uninteresting kind

While partaking in the loathsome boredom of grass cutting, my mind often wanders from the matter in hand and onto more interesting (subjectively) topics. Such was the case today as I was thinking about, among other things, cycling. Who could have guessed?

One thought which entered my head was how windy it was while I was partaking in the grass shortening exercise. That reminded me of my recent change in cycling attire. When it is (what passes for) summer I'd normally wear my bib-shorts with a short sleeved jersey directly over them. Earlier this year, however, I had a bit of a chest problem and was 'laid up' for about two months. This seemed to happen very soon after a cycle. I wondered if the two were related. I still don't know if they were linked but it led to my buying a couple of Craft sleeveless base layers. I haven't had any chest problems since.

Although it seems counter-intuative to wear another layer on a hot day (not that we get a surplus of such here) I've found it beneficial to have a thin base layer on. In my ignorance I feared I might overheat but that hasn't been the case at all. I suppose, if the professionals wear base layers in hot conditions, putting out the effort they do, there almost has to be something in it and the chances of my getting too hot here, at my low speeds, are fairly minimal.

Another topic which popped (or pooped) into my mind was my GPS. I'm continually fascinated by having a GPS on a bicycle. I know it's not especially new technology now but I'm easily impressed and, to me, it's quite the wonder.

I was pleased to discover a simple way to export routes from MapMyRide onto my Edge 800. I had been plotting a course on MapMyRide, exporting it as a '.gpx' file (for some reason it no longer exports directly in the '.crs' format) and then going to GPSies to convert that over to a '.crs' file and uploading that into Garmin Training Centre so I could then upload the course into my Edge. That was all a bit 'clunky' and pointlessly time consuming. Thanks to typing some query I can't remember into Google and clicking on a random website, I now know an easier (and probably obvious to most) way to put courses on my Edge.

All I have to do is save off the '.gpx' file from MapMyRide and copy & paste it into the 'Garmin > New files' folder on the Edge. As if by magic, the GPS does the rest and realises it's a route. It doesn't seem to show elevation in the route but that's only a small downside. For me it's more important to be able to use it for navigation.

As an example of how MapMyRide works, here's a route I just mapped:


On the topic of the Edge 800 and elevation, that's still being a bit of a pain in the bum. A few times now it has got my initial elevation completely wrong. Sometimes it starts me off a couple of hundred (or more) feet below my actual elevation. It keeps count correctly during the cycle but everything is a couple of hundred feet low. It works sometimes and doesn't others. I just need to remember to check and manually set the elevation (which is simple to do in one of the device's menus) if it does go wrong. Sadly, I'm forgetful.

Gleefully hypocritical!

I was just thinking back to when I started cycling again. I don't mean a few weeks ago, after sitting on my arse and getting fatter during the winter. No, I mean in general again. Like a lot of us, I used to cycle as a means of transport when I was a child, learned to drive, stopped cycling and didn't go near or even think of a bicycle for many years. About four or five years ago, I decided (And I still can't think why) I wanted to buy a bicycle for myself. With that in mind, I went along to the nearest large sporting goods type chain store and bought the cheapest adult bicycle they sold. Needless to say, that bicycle is now no longer in use and would be completely inappropriate for my purposes but it is what got me onto the saddle again and showed me how enjoyable cycling could be.

Anyway, as ever, I'm wittering off the main subject. The reason (If you could call it such) for this post is that recently I've been thinking about how much of a hypocrite I've been since I started cycling. One of the first things I remember thinking when I started my recent foray into recreational cycling was 'Pffft! I'll not be wearing any of that lycra'. For starters, thinking 'pffft' is foolish enough in itself but even more silly is not wishing to wear something which would be more comfortable and save my knackers from too much of a jiggling. Needless to say, I had the world's cheapest pair of paper thin lycra shorts a mere few months later. Mind you, I was enough of an idiot to unstitch and remove the chamois because I thought it 'looked silly'. A bright red arse, bruised bollocks and a rash down one's gusset is obviously a thousand times more attractive than a slight bit of padding in one's shorts.

If you've read this far, you may wonder why this came into my head lately. Actually, you probably haven't been wondering that at all but thanks for reading this far. It shows great patience and possibly a little hint of self-abuse. My recent hypocrisy has been twofold. Well, one was a few months ago when I bought team kit to wear. It's something I thought I wouldn't do as I only cycle recreationally and didn't feel I was in a position to wear team kit. However, the vast majority of competitive cyclists who wear team kit probably aren't in CSC, Liquigas etc. themselves and I do enjoy cycling as a sport to watch on TV and be amazed by. The lat bastion of stubbornness was truly crushed only a matter of days ago when I began wearing those, slightly silly but very comfortable, useful and kind of cute in a goofy way, little cycle caps. They're something I had snidely scoffed at in the past. After all, I do know best and all that, don't I? What do you know? It turns out that's not the case and people wear certain cycling clothing for practical purposes and not so much for the aesthetics.

In summary, I've been a hypocritical oaf and am glad I'm no longer the snide sneerer I once was. Long live the slightly silly looking cycle cap. Let the fools laugh all they want as the peak protects me from a diet of greenfly.

Kraftwerk cycle tops

Whilst, I knew it was possible to get Pink Floyd, AC/DC and Rolling Stones cycle jerseys, from Primal Wear, I have just discovered Kraftwerk 'Autobahn' and 'Tour de France' (among others) cycle jerseys are also available for purchase.

If you're interested in them, please click here. Through the findings of my brief internet search for information on these jerseys, it seems the 'Tour de France' jersey is of standard road cycling style, ie. slightly longer back and elasticated waist and sleeve hems. However, it would appear they're quite large sized (apparently the size large top has a 42" chest, for example) for cycle jerseys.

It would seem the 'Autobahn' tops are more of a mountain bike cut, with no elastication and are a little bigger still (size large, apparently, with a 44" chest measurement). Unfortunately, I was too lazy to try to find out any information on the other cycle jersey(s) there.

I'll probably not get one myself but I thought it might be of interest to any Kraftwerk fans, particularly with their cycling links.