Lately it seems almost all of Europe has been subjected to wretched horrid wet weather. Unsurprisingly we haven't avoided any of it here. As a result, my cycling excursions have been limited for the last couple of weeks.

I got complacent during a few hot dry weeks and forgot we normally have cold wet weather. I wasn't the only imbecile. Everybody seemed to be straight out in their shorts, short sleeves etc. Basking in the sun with no memory of the previous weather conditions was de rigueur for a short but glorious period of time.

[Apologies in advance for the boring statistics you're about to read or choose not to read] Beginning on Saturday the 19th of May at 9-41am, I cycled a route I do from time to time. I wore bib-tights and a winter jersey with a baselayer below. The temperature averaged  10.8°C/51.5°F for my excursion with a minimum of 6°C/42.8°F and a maximum of 17°C/62.6°F (which lasted about a minute and was right at the end of my cycle). Setting out at 9-42am on Saturday the 26th of May, I cycled almost exactly the same route, in shorts and a short sleeved jersey, and the average temperature was 25.8°C/78.4°F. The minimum was 21°C/69.8°F and the maximum was a whopping 32°C/89.6°F (again for a very short period right at the end of the cycle). Much as I like it, I'm not sure my Edge 800 is one hundred percent accurate with temperature but, assuming it's vaguely correct, how are such changes in temperature in a mere week even possible?

It's now (as you can tell from the date on this post) the middle of June. I went out for a cycle yesterday and had to wear a long sleeved baselayer below a short sleeved jersey and a pair of 3/4 length bib-knickers to cope with an 11.2°C/53.2°F average temperature. This is all rather discombobulating. I seem to remember there being definite seasons when I was a child. Perhaps it's a rose tinted memory and we've always had crazy temperature changes. Whilst on the subject of weather; Do you know lots of people who obsess over the weather despite not partaking in any activity which the weather affects? It seems loads of people gripe and moan about the terrible weather even though they spend almost their entire lives indoors. If I didn't want to do anything outdoors, I don't think the rain would bother me too much. 

Despite the weather grumbles, I managed to get out for a cycle last Sunday. Normally Sunday is the day we'd go out with one of the local clubs but I was trying out a new pair of Northwave 'Extreme Tech' shoes and didn't think my stopping constantly to adjust my cleats would be popular on a club run. I bought them because the Diadora 'ProRacer 2.0' shoes I bought a couple of months ago have started to hurt that bony bit on the top-right of my left foot. The Diadoras have got a little plate where the adjustable strap anchors and it has hurt my foot far more than one might imagine. It really is quite close to agony to attempt to wear the shoes. I tried e-mailing Chain Reaction (where I bought them) ten days ago and was told they were going to contact Diadora and get back to me. I'm still waiting. That's not good customer service. Besides, what useful insights are Diadora going to share? Will they send me some magic dust to sprinkle over the problem area and make everything okay?

Anyway, I'm wittering and should get back to my original point... I was out cycling last Sunday. While cycling uphill on a skinny country road, a car was hurtling downhill (toward me) at quite a pace. I did that invisible basketball dribble with my right hand to signal for the driver to slow down a bit. He didn't. Rather than brake, he decided to flip me the bird. Not pleased by this, I returned his bird with one of my own. Apparently it was okay for him to do this to me (and risk my life by nearly driving into me at speed) but my return of his gesture was beyond the pale. The ignoramus (the one in the car, not the one on the bike) stopped his car and began to reverse toward me. I, being a wuss, was rather frightened at the prospect of being punched/beaten/run over and kept cycling on as I had been. Thankfully the Neanderthal only reversed a little and then drove on but it reminded me, when cycling, it pays to have a long fuse and a short memory. 

We're so vulnerable when out on our bikes, compared to those driving large metal machines. If people shout abuse, drive dangerously, gesture in a less than pleasing manner etc. it seems the safest course of action from the cyclist is complete inaction. It's not easy to ignore someone who is being aggressive and bullying toward one but pressing on and trying to forget about it is probably the best thing to do. It's frustrating. People, of course, should not be treating one another in such a manner and people who do treat other likes that certainly shouldn't be behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. Unfortunately they are and all we can do is try to make our cycles as enjoyable and safe as possible. As my almost blown rear tyre has shown me, there are enough potential dangers for cyclists outside the actions of others without enraging some idiot stranger too.

Sorry about writing quite so much and thanks for reading. 

P is for...

P is for Puncture: When it comes to most aspects of life, I'm not a superstitious fool. I don't worship the moon or believe a certain number of a particular type of bird means I'm going to win the lottery or die horribly. Yep, I like to think I'm a modern scientific level-headed guy. Why then, if I'm so bloody logical, do I refuse to say the P word when out cycling? It even pained me to type it there earlier. What kind of moron am I (before you answer, I'm many types and flavours of moron)?

Do I think some sort of tyre god (as opposed to the Norse god Tyr [thank you Valhalla]) is going to send forth a plague of thorns should I dare utter the P word? Apparently I do. Apparently I am of the opinion my saying the P word will directly result in my getting a hole in my tyre which allows air to escape. That means two things must be true:

1. I'm extremely egotistical to think I'm so important or magical as to make this mystical tyre rupturing take place with only the utterance of a mere word
2. I'm obviously mental and not in a way people say when they want people to think they're great fun but rather in the manner which means they're in danger of being sectioned

P is for Pee or Pee Pee or Piss or Pish: There are probably other names for urinating which start with a P too. Please feel free to share in the comments section.

Of late it seems I can't cycle for more than a couple of miles without an overwhelming desire to urinate. As I'm not an animal wishing to mark his territory, I fear I may have an over excitable bladder. He's fine when he's in the house but take him out for a day (I mean out of the house not outside my body) and it appears he's a terrible showoff.

I'm not sure if it's the recent spate of cold weather giving my bladder a shock, the caffeine filled tablets which are in the fluid I drink (caffeine barely needs to pass my lips before I've have to make toilet) or simply one of the unpleasant parts of the aging process. Whatever it is, I'm against it. I don't want to be stopping all the time to empty my waste at the side of the road. It's highly unpleasant and rather unseemly. Plus, I don't want to find myself getting in trouble because someone thought I was having a fiddle when I was actually having a piddle (there's another one). P is not for pervert (or anything considerably worse).

P is for Plonker/Pillock: Well, it is if you're Derek Trotter (for the former) or a cliched person from northern England (for the latter).

This grumble relates to an incident when we (myself and my good lady) were out cycling about a week ago. We were passed by another cyclist and pleasantries (ie. 'Hello') were exchanged.

After he passed us, realising we were almost home, I said to 'er indoors 'We've got a few gels and things we didn't use. Should I catch up with him and ask him if he wants them?'. Post affirmative response, I gave chase to offer gels, bars etc. to the gent who had passed us and may have required them more than us. I was catching up with him reasonably quickly until he looked round, saw I was closing and decided to up his pace. Likewise, I increased my speed and bit so I could make the offer. He kept looking round to see where I was and carried on and on increasing his speed as I got closer and closer.

Eventually I couldn't be arsed any more and stopped trying to catch him. Honestly, I don't know if I could have caught him or not at the speed he was eventually going but that's not really the point. I mean, what was he thinking? He obviously only increased his speed so I couldn't catch up with him. Did he think I was trying to race him? I was on a steel framed tourer with mudguards and a rack pack and wasn't on my own. Did he imagine I was going to rush on, leave my lady love behind and try to break him in two with my majestic racing? Gawd knows. What a frigging tool!

I evidently wasn't tracking him with fury and bad intentions. We'd just said 'Hello' pleasantly a few minutes earlier. I just dunno what goes on in some people's heads at times.

P is for Precipitation: Thank goodness I remembered the word precipitation. Previously I had typed Pistulent Weather. Even by my own standards, making words up is contrived.

We were taken for a ride today. That's a poor choice of words. We actually went on a ride today and weren't taken anywhere, unless you count travelling by bicycle as the bike taking us somewhere. Anyway, this taking for a ride isn't of that sort. It refers, instead, to the hilarious lark which is the weather forecast.

As you will know if you read the previous post, I've been going doolally with weather woes. It has been raining pretty much every day recently. Imagine my joy when the forecasts showed today's weather to be white cloud but dry (not normally that exciting I'll grant you). We plotted and planned a route to do today, got our stuff ready last night (I'm like a child on Christmas Eve) and headed out for a lovely cycle today. Well guess what, it pissed down on us and was almost exactly the same weather we've been having almost every day recently; hours of light rain with the odd bright spell.

Oh how the weather forecasters must giggle with their evil games. Ha! The joke's on them. Despite both cyclists (myself and the good lady again) and our bikes getting absolutely filthy (requiring a hosing down and some Muc-Off when we got home) and a few nervous moments on the filthy slippery roads, we enjoyed ourselves while the forecasters were chained up in their weather towers. Up theirs!

Gleefully hypocritical!

I was just thinking back to when I started cycling again. I don't mean a few weeks ago, after sitting on my arse and getting fatter during the winter. No, I mean in general again. Like a lot of us, I used to cycle as a means of transport when I was a child, learned to drive, stopped cycling and didn't go near or even think of a bicycle for many years. About four or five years ago, I decided (And I still can't think why) I wanted to buy a bicycle for myself. With that in mind, I went along to the nearest large sporting goods type chain store and bought the cheapest adult bicycle they sold. Needless to say, that bicycle is now no longer in use and would be completely inappropriate for my purposes but it is what got me onto the saddle again and showed me how enjoyable cycling could be.

Anyway, as ever, I'm wittering off the main subject. The reason (If you could call it such) for this post is that recently I've been thinking about how much of a hypocrite I've been since I started cycling. One of the first things I remember thinking when I started my recent foray into recreational cycling was 'Pffft! I'll not be wearing any of that lycra'. For starters, thinking 'pffft' is foolish enough in itself but even more silly is not wishing to wear something which would be more comfortable and save my knackers from too much of a jiggling. Needless to say, I had the world's cheapest pair of paper thin lycra shorts a mere few months later. Mind you, I was enough of an idiot to unstitch and remove the chamois because I thought it 'looked silly'. A bright red arse, bruised bollocks and a rash down one's gusset is obviously a thousand times more attractive than a slight bit of padding in one's shorts.

If you've read this far, you may wonder why this came into my head lately. Actually, you probably haven't been wondering that at all but thanks for reading this far. It shows great patience and possibly a little hint of self-abuse. My recent hypocrisy has been twofold. Well, one was a few months ago when I bought team kit to wear. It's something I thought I wouldn't do as I only cycle recreationally and didn't feel I was in a position to wear team kit. However, the vast majority of competitive cyclists who wear team kit probably aren't in CSC, Liquigas etc. themselves and I do enjoy cycling as a sport to watch on TV and be amazed by. The lat bastion of stubbornness was truly crushed only a matter of days ago when I began wearing those, slightly silly but very comfortable, useful and kind of cute in a goofy way, little cycle caps. They're something I had snidely scoffed at in the past. After all, I do know best and all that, don't I? What do you know? It turns out that's not the case and people wear certain cycling clothing for practical purposes and not so much for the aesthetics.

In summary, I've been a hypocritical oaf and am glad I'm no longer the snide sneerer I once was. Long live the slightly silly looking cycle cap. Let the fools laugh all they want as the peak protects me from a diet of greenfly.

Twat?

Am I a money wasting twat? I broke a spoke in the rear wheel of my Xero Tarmac XBR-1 wheels, took it to be fixed (After not being able to get a 'proper' replacement spoke, but I'll get to that later) and got it back all nicely trued. I went out a couple of times on the bike, noticed a clicking noise and a loose spoke, thought 'I'll tighten that a little. Not much but just enough so it isn't quite so loose', discovered doing so puts a wheel completely out of true and then had the very lovely wheel building man point out a crack in the rim to me. Aaargh!

When I got home from collecting the wheel, I rushed into buying a pair of Mavic Ksyrium Elite wheels (Last year's version, on offer at Chain Reaction) and have since ordered a replacement Xero Tarmac XBR-1 rim from Parker International. I've switched the sprockets over from the Xero wheel to the new Mavic one and put the new wheels on my bicycle but this means I'll have a spare wheelset once I get the Xero rear wheel rebuilt. Rather than spending the £240 odd it was for the Mavics, I could have been patient and waited for the £56 (Including shipping) Xero rim to arrive, have the wheel built and stuck it on. Have I done something a bit stupid?

I don't have another bike I could use a ten speed Campagnolo wheel on, so it's not like I can upgrade a different bike by putting the wheels on it. What it does give me, I guess, is a spare wheelset if anything happens to the Mavics and likewise for my good laydee (Whose bicycle currently has Xero Tarmac XBR-1s on it anyway). I thought that maybe I should put different gearing on each wheel and that might be of use but, realistically, it wouldn't advantage me greatly. I like having the gears I already did, find the spacing between gears fine and would miss the lowest gears if I didn't have them.

Getting onto the spoke annoyance; It took ages for me to get a replacement spoke for the broken one on my Xero rear wheel. Even when I did get a replacement, it was only because the guy in the bike shop I got it from cut down a longer spoke and threaded it himself. They're round cross-section straight-pull spokes (ie. They're not bladed and they don't have a 90 degree bend in them at the hubs) in anodised black. The replacement, alas, is silver as it appears DT Swiss isn't too forthcoming in getting such replacement spokes out to people. I'm not moaning about them. I can understand there are so many variables in the world of spokes, it's exceptionally difficult to try to get every variety of spoke available to everyone. All I wish is that I can get a 'proper' replacement spoke for my Xero wheel. If you know of any spare black, round cross-section, 276mm, straight pull, 14/15g gauge, DT Competition spokes knocking about, please don't be backward in letting me share your knowledge.

From putting the Ksyriums on today, I've got to say they seem quite impressive. They appear to be very true and I thought moved more freely than other wheels I've owned. Hopefully this will continue to be the case when my fat arse is on the saddle and they have to suffer the applicable stresses and strains. I hope they're strong wheels and can take some ropey surfaces and possibly the odd light bit of 'pannierage' (No camping for me if I get away, just B&Bs and the like). The Xeros did well and the spoke only broke because I was forgetful, let the hook at one side of the fold down mini-panniers on my rack pack get into the spokes and then cycled a few yards causing it to pull at the spokes. I think that might be what damaged the rim too but I could be wrong.

Hmmm, I wonder if I should use the Xeros as touring wheels and the Mavics for general usage? At least I might get some use from both wheelsets? Then again, the Mavics seem as if they're probably better and I would like to use them when I can.

When I was changing over the wheelset today, I obviously had to put the sprockets on the new Mavic rear wheel. It was astounding quite how minging the cassette had got. What was good about it being a Campagnolo (I just can't bring myself to write 'Campag'. To me, it's like someone who owns a BMW talking about a 'Beamer' or a Cannondale rider referring to their 'Dale'. There's something distasteful about it which sticks in my craw) cassette is that all the sprockets are indeed individual sprockets as opposed to a block made up of numerous sprockets. It let me wipe each of the sprockets and their spacers clean and put a shiny (New looking but old and soon to be replaced) cassette on my new wheel. The sprockets had been completely black with filth. I'm sure that can't be good for the bike either. It then led to my taking the chain off to stick in a tub of petrol (I'll oil it well afterwards, don't worry) and disassembling the right crank and chainrings to give them a thorough clean too. Oh, and I used a bit of cloth to 'floss' the jockey arm and wheels. The muck they gather up is incredible. My bicycle should be lovely and clean for its next journey. I'll have to take a photo.

Going off a bit, I've been using MapMyRide quite a bit since the last babble I did and it's great. About the only problems I've noticed with it are:

• It shows some roads which don't really exist. They may be 'rights of way' but there's no means of cycling along them and it's best to check with an Ordnance Survey map whilst putting the route in. Most roads it has a name on should be okay but it's still worth checking as it claimed one 'named' road existed when it didn't with me.
  
• Make sure you don't go too far ahead when clicking the 'next point'. I've done that, assuming the route will automatically follow the road it's already on, but it can backtrack and then go along a main road or the like because it's a bit shorter. It also has a tendency to go along 'make believe' roads when one gets too far ahead so that's one to keep an eye on.

It really is a marvellous piece of free software and I can't recommend it highly enough. On the off-chance the people involved with it ever read this (They would need to be patient and not easily bored) thank you very much.

On that note, I've realised quite how much I've been going on and should stop. Thanks for reading this and hopefully you'll have been remotely interested in some ramblings, although I doubt it.