Ranting, cycling and boring

Heed the warning (on your left). I am about to rabbit on, in a completely uninteresting manner, about cycling nothings. 

Today, I find myself sitting indoors as constant rain spatters the world outside me. I'm not grumbling. It could be a lot worse. I've been drinking overly sweet coffees and am currently watching live coverage of the Giro d'Italia (often my favourite annual sporting event) on Eurosport. Life isn't too bad at all. Besides, I got out for a great cycle yesterday and my legs would probably appreciate the rest. They're not as young as they once were. 

I've had the pleasure of getting out on my bicycle a reasonable (for me) amount recently. Unlike a lot of neighbouring countries, it has generally been quite dry here. Sure, we've had strong winds but (as an old man once said to me about hills) you've got to try to look at that as an investment; It might be in your face on the outward leg of your journey but you'll be glad of it on the way home. That's the theory anyway. I'm not sure it works quite like that in reality. Yesterday was extremely calm and I found that considerably preferable.

So, what have I been up to in my unexciting word of cycling excursions? Probably the main event which happened (or almost happened) was last Saturday. I was out cycling on my own in a bright yellow jersey, coming down a little bit of a downhill and about to pass through a crossroads where I had right of way. Yep, we can all see where this is going. As I was coming downhill, I had good visibility and could see a small van (one of the wee vans with a car type front and van rear, if that makes sense) stopped at the end of the road to my right. The driver sat there for maybe five seconds or more and then pulled out, to his right, just as I was about to pass. 

It was so close, I could easily have touched the van and, in retrospect, am a bit sorry I didn't give it a slap to see if the driver thought he'd hit me and would have stopped. I was able to look right in the passenger window at the driver. After he passed, I shook my fist a bit (no rude gestures, which I thought was very reserved of me) and signalled to stop and come back. Unsurprisingly, he didn't. 

Thankfully I got the registration and was able to give it to the police along with a basic description of the driver. I found the police surprisingly helpful. That's not to say I expected them to be deliberately unhelpful. I simply imagined I'd get a 'Sorry, we can't really do anything about it' response. Instead they said it was terrible, I should be able to cycle without fear on the roads and they will try to track down the driver and have a word with him to let him know he's on file and this sort of behaviour is not acceptable. That's better than I imagined. I understand they can't prosecute with nobody else there as an eyewitness or without a confession from the driver himself. It turns out the van is registered to a company. With any luck, the driver will get in trouble with his bosses and possibly face some sort of disciplinary action there. Well, I live in hope. 

Obviously I was able to keep everything together and not get run off the road (just about) but it seems likely the intent of the driver was to try to get me to crash. Especially with my coming downhill at reasonable pace, that could have been pretty nasty. Even if the intent wasn't there and it was merely that the driver didn't notice me, I'm not sure that's any better. If people are driving about who can't see cyclists in bright jerseys, it would be nice to stop them driving around at all.

What else have I been up to? I've been getting a few more miles with those Time pedals I did a fumbling review of recently and continue to be impressed. One tiny niggle (actually less than a niggle but I can't think of a word lighter than niggle) is how I seem to be able to half-clip in from time to time. It doesn't happen terribly often but it would be better if it didn't happen at all. It may well be down to me and my clumsiness. What will happen is, I'll try to clip in and my cleat will get to a point where it's kind of in the pedal but doesn't feel fully engaged. I then seem to have to unclip and clip in again. It's not a big problem and, as I mentioned, may be down to my poor motor skills. Even when it is semi-clipped, I can still pedal happily enough; I just wouldn't like to have to rely on it when standing.

I was lucky recently; my heart rate strap stopped working. That, in and of itself, doesn't sound particularly lucky. However, it stopped working eight days before the warranty would have run out and I was able to get a replacement. Being me, I had (of course) ordered a replacement strap as soon as it stopped working and ended up with a second strap. That wasn't bad news for KG as it means she was able to switch her old heart rate strap for one of the new softer fabric ones. Plus, it means the old strap is there as backup if either of the new ones stops working. It's all good, as I believe I once heard a person say, possibly in a film.

On the subject of KG, I'm sorry to say she's been experiencing a bit of knee pain recently herself. She cut a few (uphill) miles off the end of yesterday's cycle to attempt to save her knee a bit. Here's hoping she doesn't continue to have any bother with it. Some stretching, overuse of Biofreeze and and strengthening exercise should help matters.

I've been reading the book French Revolutions: Cycling the Tour de France. Have you read it? I initially started reading our copy of it quite a few years ago, decided I didn't like Tim Moore (the author) very much and stopped. I decided to go back to it recently and, while I'm still not overly enamoured with the author, I find parts of the book fairly interesting and amusing. Some of the book, I'd say, should be taken with a pinch of salt. I fear Moore is a fibber at best and outright liar at worst. He's a difficult man to like and gives many reasons not to but it's still reasonably entertaining reading at times, if a little drawn out to fill pages (says Mr. Pot about Mr. Kettle although, with my being merely some unread internet random, I don't feel any guilt about doing so).

Another one of my feeling manly without any good reason about repairing my bike moments happened the other day. I'd been having a spot of bother with my forks jiggling about a little. To explain a bit better; if I had my front brakes on, there was a millimetre or two of motion if I tried to move my bike forward and/or backward. Oh and there was an unpleasant clicking noise too. Well, the noise wasn't unpleasant so much as the reason behind the noise. A nice man in a bike shop told me it was probably due to the headset being a bit loose inside the steerer. He then showed me a couple of different types of headset so I could understand how they gripped the inside of the steerer. Thankfully the headset on my bike was of the easy to adjust yourself with an allen key variety. Despite getting confused twice in a row and letting part of the headset fall down into the tube, I finally managed to understand anti-clockwise turns tightened the unit in place, did that, replaced the stem and spacers and, amazingly, it seems good.I was able to fix it in a matter of a few minutes. Just goes to show what a tiny iota of passed on knowledge can do. It saved me the time and money of having to take the bike to a professional and means I don't have to be without it for a day or two. Hurrah! The world is wonderful. 

I think that's quite enough of my witterations for now. For anyone reading, it must be like receiving a really boring e-mail which wasn't actually intended for you. Thanks for your patience.

P is for...

P is for Pervert: Before I go any further, I feel the necessity to explain the photo on the left. It's from a film called Pervert! The Horror Channel seemed to keep showing it for a while but now appears to have given up. I tried to watch it once but didn't have the dedication to see it through, giving up quite early on. It's very much in the sub-sub-Russ Meyer mold; like something Meyer might have considered but decided against due to its low quality.

Explanation of that over, Why is P for pervert? Again it's a slightly long winded explanation of something simple...

A couple of weeks ago my good lady and I were round at a house belong to friends of ours [Yes, all these people really do exist outside my imagination] and we were talking about cycling. One of our friends said he thought Lycra wearing cycling was for perverts. I assume he was joking. However, I was rubbing some chamois cream around the general area of my anus today and about to pull up bib-shorts which revealed the outline of my genitals quite plainly and thought 'Joking or not, he has a point'.

Continuing in that theme, last night I did my first cycle leg shave. I'll be honest, I did it as much for something to do and a bit of 'I wonder why people do it. I'll do it and see if it makes any difference' as anything. I'm knee deep in cycling perversion.

So, my question is : Are cyclists little more than a thinly disguised bunch of pervs?

By the way, I've tagged this post with the word boobies. If past experience is anything to go by, I expect it to get many more views than the vast majority of the other posts on this blog.

Teats and testicles

Forgive my tabloid headline please. I kind of hoped it might draw a bit of traffic to this blog/whatever it is.

On that subject, I was looking through the statistics of this here bit you're reading

to see why the few people who've looked at it have done so. It turns out the vast majority were searching for Kraftwerk. I had mentioned about their cycle jerseys, in this post, six years ago. Quite slyly, in bringing that up, I've just mentioned Kraftwerk again (and again there) so that should help more. I'm such the evil mastermind me. In case you're interested, I've yet to see a Kraftwerk cycle jersey in the flesh.

'Plugging aside, what's with the tabloid headline?' I'm glad you asked (even if you didn't). It refers to something I was thinking about yesterday whilst out on another brief and enjoyable cycle...

I had to stop at the roadside for a quick pee (it was a very minor road and a reasonably major pee). After urinating I, of course, had to pack my belongings away again and noticed I've changed the manner in which I do this. I used to be a shove to the side man in the past but now seem to have evolved into a lift and then move to the side genitalman (oh the terrible pain of a terrible pun). In case you're interested, sir dresses to the left.

This isn't merely an excuse for me to blather about my genitals on the internet. If that's all it was, I'm sure there are much more appropriate websites. No, there is supposed to be some vague purpose.

Cycling, although a kinder activity than many in terms of knee injuries, juddering action etc. can be quite uncomfortable for some (both male and female) when it comes to their gusset and associated area. I've found the up and to the side method of packing helps with this. I've never really suffered in the manner some people seem to but my comfort is improved with the addition of a lift. If anyone reading this thinks 'I'll give that a go' and finds his comfort improved too, then it had to be worth mentioning.

The funny thing is I imagine I decided to incorporate the lift after seeing someone else do it. I can't, however, think of any situation where I would have seen another man adjusting his junk before getting on a bicycle. It's not something they show an awful lot of on cycling coverage.

I'm afraid there's not much I can do to help female cyclists other than to advise you look here and search for information on saddles etc. (or basically anything bicycle related).

It might also be an idea to make sure you're using a decent chamois cream. I've started using Udderly SMOOth chamois cream over the past few months. To me, it seems like a step up from the Portia (whose website no longer seems functional) cream I was using previously and wrote about here. The Portia stuff was fine but I prefer the feeling of the Udderly SMOOth. It seems to moisturise more and I like that. Plus, maybe I'm a bit of a perv and like spreading Udderly SMOOth directly round my gusset rather than squirting it onto the chamois as I did with the Portia. Who knows what goes on in one's dirty little mind?

Being a fool for an e-mail inbox bargain, I ordered a pair of Power Race 'Tornado' sunglasses (in white frames/blue lens) yesterday from Planet X. Lo and behold, said sunglasses arrived today. Thank you both Planet X and the postal service. As it's very wet today and I'm a fair weather cyclist (or at least intend to be even if it doesn't always work out that way) I haven't had a chance to try my Power Race sunglasses yet. They look good and came in quite elaborate packing (including a hard case, soft sleeve and little lens cleaning cloth) but only actual on bike wear will tell the full story.

Mentioning about my intent to be a fair weather cyclist reminds me of how close I was to an awful soaking yesterday. I popped out for a quick cycle. It was fairly sunny throughout and generally great weather. While putting my bike away and giving it a wipe down, about ten minutes after getting back, there was a prolonged consistent downpour of torrential rain. Missing it more than made up for the shower I got caught in last Thursday. As you may be able to tell, I'm not a great fan of cycling (or doing anything outdoors) in the wet.

I chose a good time to fall back in love with cycling. With both the Vuelta and inaugural USA Pro Cycling Challenge on at the moment, I'm suitably satiated while saturated with cycling. I've been doing a split shift of going out for a cycle, watching the Vuelta when I arrive home (yes sometimes I watch it before showering, euch!) and then it's the USA Pro Cycling Challenge in the evening. It's most peculiar how watching professional cycling enhances my enjoyment of cycling and vice versa. My pottering round flat roads and the professionals' speeding up mountains have very little in common. I suppose the USA Pro Cycling Challenge and I have no live pictures on TV for extended periods of time (in my case forever) in common but that's about it.

Before I go, I've noticed my new bike has started making annoying creaking noises when I'm up on the pedals and pressing down with my right leg/foot. I wonder if it might be linked to another little problem I have with it. It's nothing major. It's just that there's a tiny bit of play in the forks. What I mean is; if I pull on the front brakes and push the bike forward (gently) the rear of the bike (up to the head tube) will move slightly while the front wheel stays still. It's very minor but I'd rather it didn't do it at all.

I've noticed the spacers on the vertical bit of the stem (at least I think that part is still the stem) seem fairly loose compared to those on other bikes I have. On my new bicycle, I can twist them round easily with my fingers. I can't do that with the other bikes. Does that mean I should loosen the bolts at the back of the horizontal section of the stem and tighten the bolt which goes down into the steerer? Forgive my lack of knowledge when it comes to the proper terms please. My fear is overtightening and ending up having to get new forks or something awful like that. As I'm not used to working with a carbon frame/forks/steerer and don't have anything to measure the torque, I'm far from confident when it comes to making such adjustments. Perhaps taking it to someone more knowledgeable would be for the best.

My bumhole loves chamois cream

I've been thoroughly useless altogether when it comes to writing in this blog thing. Look at the last time I wrote. May for gawd sake! Whilst I don't imagine many people read my witterings or are 'chomping at the bit' to bask in the glow of my wonderous knowledge, it's still very slovenly of me and I apologise. Anyway, enough of that, now onto the particularly tasteful and tasty subject of my bottom...

For anyone who has been on a bicycle (Which I'm sure covers the majority of us) the jacksee is close to our hearts. Obviously our posteriors aren't particularly close to our hearts in a literal sense but I imagine you know what I mean. We'll obsess about getting a comfortable chamois in our shorts and a suitable saddle but, until recently, the notion of chamois cream seemed pointless to me. I have to admit I was wrong in ignoring this. We recently purchased a trio of Portia chamois cream squeezy tub type things and I've found them super.

Luckily (And through being anal about anal hygiene) I've lived my life without any bum infections, fistulas, abscesses etc. but thought I would give chamois cream a go just to make sure something like that doesn't happen in the near future. Well, apart from that element, I've found the chamois cream a great discovery (Especially as it's dead cheap). As a big plus, it seems to lessen that horrendous smell one gets round one's gusset when out cycling for any vague length of time but, more importantly, I feel a bit fresher and comfier than I did without it. My combination of chamois cream, shorts and saddle seems to have been protecting my rear pretty well and I'm going to sing to the world about it. Maybe not sing exactly but I think it's good and I'll mention it to the handful of unfortunates who happen to chance upon here. Having never used more expensive brands of chamois cream, I've no idea how the cream I have been using compares but it seems pretty good and my arse likes it very much.

Thank for reading about this rather unpleasant subject. Maybe I should leave it another two months before writing again...