Lately it seems almost all of Europe has been subjected to wretched horrid wet weather. Unsurprisingly we haven't avoided any of it here. As a result, my cycling excursions have been limited for the last couple of weeks.

I got complacent during a few hot dry weeks and forgot we normally have cold wet weather. I wasn't the only imbecile. Everybody seemed to be straight out in their shorts, short sleeves etc. Basking in the sun with no memory of the previous weather conditions was de rigueur for a short but glorious period of time.

[Apologies in advance for the boring statistics you're about to read or choose not to read] Beginning on Saturday the 19th of May at 9-41am, I cycled a route I do from time to time. I wore bib-tights and a winter jersey with a baselayer below. The temperature averaged  10.8°C/51.5°F for my excursion with a minimum of 6°C/42.8°F and a maximum of 17°C/62.6°F (which lasted about a minute and was right at the end of my cycle). Setting out at 9-42am on Saturday the 26th of May, I cycled almost exactly the same route, in shorts and a short sleeved jersey, and the average temperature was 25.8°C/78.4°F. The minimum was 21°C/69.8°F and the maximum was a whopping 32°C/89.6°F (again for a very short period right at the end of the cycle). Much as I like it, I'm not sure my Edge 800 is one hundred percent accurate with temperature but, assuming it's vaguely correct, how are such changes in temperature in a mere week even possible?

It's now (as you can tell from the date on this post) the middle of June. I went out for a cycle yesterday and had to wear a long sleeved baselayer below a short sleeved jersey and a pair of 3/4 length bib-knickers to cope with an 11.2°C/53.2°F average temperature. This is all rather discombobulating. I seem to remember there being definite seasons when I was a child. Perhaps it's a rose tinted memory and we've always had crazy temperature changes. Whilst on the subject of weather; Do you know lots of people who obsess over the weather despite not partaking in any activity which the weather affects? It seems loads of people gripe and moan about the terrible weather even though they spend almost their entire lives indoors. If I didn't want to do anything outdoors, I don't think the rain would bother me too much. 

Despite the weather grumbles, I managed to get out for a cycle last Sunday. Normally Sunday is the day we'd go out with one of the local clubs but I was trying out a new pair of Northwave 'Extreme Tech' shoes and didn't think my stopping constantly to adjust my cleats would be popular on a club run. I bought them because the Diadora 'ProRacer 2.0' shoes I bought a couple of months ago have started to hurt that bony bit on the top-right of my left foot. The Diadoras have got a little plate where the adjustable strap anchors and it has hurt my foot far more than one might imagine. It really is quite close to agony to attempt to wear the shoes. I tried e-mailing Chain Reaction (where I bought them) ten days ago and was told they were going to contact Diadora and get back to me. I'm still waiting. That's not good customer service. Besides, what useful insights are Diadora going to share? Will they send me some magic dust to sprinkle over the problem area and make everything okay?

Anyway, I'm wittering and should get back to my original point... I was out cycling last Sunday. While cycling uphill on a skinny country road, a car was hurtling downhill (toward me) at quite a pace. I did that invisible basketball dribble with my right hand to signal for the driver to slow down a bit. He didn't. Rather than brake, he decided to flip me the bird. Not pleased by this, I returned his bird with one of my own. Apparently it was okay for him to do this to me (and risk my life by nearly driving into me at speed) but my return of his gesture was beyond the pale. The ignoramus (the one in the car, not the one on the bike) stopped his car and began to reverse toward me. I, being a wuss, was rather frightened at the prospect of being punched/beaten/run over and kept cycling on as I had been. Thankfully the Neanderthal only reversed a little and then drove on but it reminded me, when cycling, it pays to have a long fuse and a short memory. 

We're so vulnerable when out on our bikes, compared to those driving large metal machines. If people shout abuse, drive dangerously, gesture in a less than pleasing manner etc. it seems the safest course of action from the cyclist is complete inaction. It's not easy to ignore someone who is being aggressive and bullying toward one but pressing on and trying to forget about it is probably the best thing to do. It's frustrating. People, of course, should not be treating one another in such a manner and people who do treat other likes that certainly shouldn't be behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. Unfortunately they are and all we can do is try to make our cycles as enjoyable and safe as possible. As my almost blown rear tyre has shown me, there are enough potential dangers for cyclists outside the actions of others without enraging some idiot stranger too.

Sorry about writing quite so much and thanks for reading. 

Cobwebs

I'm an awful awful man. No, please don't tell me I'm the light which brightens up your otherwise meaningless life; I'm awful (as noted above).

Today was the first time I've been out on my bicycle since the 16th of November 2011. Shame on me! Okay, I'm not 'that' awful. It doesn't actually matter whatsoever to anyone who isn't me.

I'd done my annual promise of 'I'll definitely keep cycling through the winter this year. I'll not let the little fitness I've gained go to waste. In fact, I'll be fitter in the spring than I was going into the winter'. Yep, that worked out to the tune of not whatsoever.

It's easy for me to make such promises to myself in the middle of what passes for a summer here. Winter seems like a make believe time. Sure it'll never come round.

Oh, what do you know, there's autumn; the shorts and short-sleeved jerseys are packed away for the rest of the year and it's all bib-knickers and long-sleeves. 'Hmm, maybe I'll not be fitter than I was going into the winter but I still plan to retain what little fitness I have and get out on my bike regularly'.

Then autumn rolls into the crispy start of winter; jackets and bib-tights are the new fashion and thoughts turn to 'Well, if I get out and do shorter routes less often, at least it's something'.

Lo and behold, almost three and a half months later and I've done it again. The bicycles have sat in the garage while I've sat on my arse. So much for 'not-very-big-at-all ideas man'.

To return to the start, I went out for a ride on my bicycle today. It was a fairly short cycle for me (ie. almost pointlessly short for most other people) and, what do you know, sitting on your bum for three and a half months does diminish one's fitness. Who knew?

Cycling a short flat loop at slow (even by my standards) pace was a real struggle. I averaged a heart rate notably higher than usual with results notably lower than usual. To add to this, I got absolutely soaked on the way home.

Do I regret getting back on the bike to find I'm unfit, cold and wet? Absolutely not. I loved it. It's great to be back on two wheels again after a silly break in services. Cycling, in addition to the obvious physical benefits, makes me incredibly happy (well, when people aren't trying to run over me) and helps my state of mind immensely. Plus, the calorific expenditure meant I could get away with eating a big slice of yummy ice-cream cake, even if my teeth won't thank me for it.

Hoorah!

It seems my prayers to make believe pagan gods have been answered. Either that or I'm being a complete fool again by believing the weather forecast yet again and it's going to break my heart in two. Hyperbole? Me? Perish the thought.

The forecast might not be predicting many marvellous hot sunny days but it's the first break in the rain for some time. Now here's hoping it behaves itself and doesn't decide to change completely overnight.

I'm very much looking forward to pedalling my wee heart out over the next few days. In reality that means crawling along at next to no speed.

Just so you know, clicking on the wee picture should enlarge it to a point where it's readable.

Cycling thoughts: 2 'Rain'

It's not a sophisticated thought. I'm not a sophisticated man. I barely pass for a man never mind the sophisticated bit.

The long and short of it is...

...I HATE RAIN

Okay okay, I see the point in rain. I like living in a country without serious water shortages, where crops grow well and suchlike. I don't, however, like being stuck in the house for a week, unable to cycle because it has rained almost constantly every single day.

The forecasts keep having a laugh at my expense; telling me 'Oh it's going to be dry the day after tomorrow, honest. Why don't you get all your cycling stuff together, plot a few routes and sure you'll have a great cycle in a couple of days' time'. Like the gullible muggins I am, I believe the forecast, prepare the relevant bits and bobs and get more excited than a middle-aged man should. With visions of slowly moving bicycles floating around in my head. Stoopid stoopid me! The forecast is a terrible liar. I've whinged about it before but I never learn.

Please think positive weather thoughts and help save my sanity (and waistline).

NB Yes, I know I could cycle in the rain but I'm a fair-weather lightweight when it comes to my cycling.

P is for...

P is for Puncture: When it comes to most aspects of life, I'm not a superstitious fool. I don't worship the moon or believe a certain number of a particular type of bird means I'm going to win the lottery or die horribly. Yep, I like to think I'm a modern scientific level-headed guy. Why then, if I'm so bloody logical, do I refuse to say the P word when out cycling? It even pained me to type it there earlier. What kind of moron am I (before you answer, I'm many types and flavours of moron)?

Do I think some sort of tyre god (as opposed to the Norse god Tyr [thank you Valhalla]) is going to send forth a plague of thorns should I dare utter the P word? Apparently I do. Apparently I am of the opinion my saying the P word will directly result in my getting a hole in my tyre which allows air to escape. That means two things must be true:

1. I'm extremely egotistical to think I'm so important or magical as to make this mystical tyre rupturing take place with only the utterance of a mere word
2. I'm obviously mental and not in a way people say when they want people to think they're great fun but rather in the manner which means they're in danger of being sectioned

P is for Pee or Pee Pee or Piss or Pish: There are probably other names for urinating which start with a P too. Please feel free to share in the comments section.

Of late it seems I can't cycle for more than a couple of miles without an overwhelming desire to urinate. As I'm not an animal wishing to mark his territory, I fear I may have an over excitable bladder. He's fine when he's in the house but take him out for a day (I mean out of the house not outside my body) and it appears he's a terrible showoff.

I'm not sure if it's the recent spate of cold weather giving my bladder a shock, the caffeine filled tablets which are in the fluid I drink (caffeine barely needs to pass my lips before I've have to make toilet) or simply one of the unpleasant parts of the aging process. Whatever it is, I'm against it. I don't want to be stopping all the time to empty my waste at the side of the road. It's highly unpleasant and rather unseemly. Plus, I don't want to find myself getting in trouble because someone thought I was having a fiddle when I was actually having a piddle (there's another one). P is not for pervert (or anything considerably worse).

P is for Plonker/Pillock: Well, it is if you're Derek Trotter (for the former) or a cliched person from northern England (for the latter).

This grumble relates to an incident when we (myself and my good lady) were out cycling about a week ago. We were passed by another cyclist and pleasantries (ie. 'Hello') were exchanged.

After he passed us, realising we were almost home, I said to 'er indoors 'We've got a few gels and things we didn't use. Should I catch up with him and ask him if he wants them?'. Post affirmative response, I gave chase to offer gels, bars etc. to the gent who had passed us and may have required them more than us. I was catching up with him reasonably quickly until he looked round, saw I was closing and decided to up his pace. Likewise, I increased my speed and bit so I could make the offer. He kept looking round to see where I was and carried on and on increasing his speed as I got closer and closer.

Eventually I couldn't be arsed any more and stopped trying to catch him. Honestly, I don't know if I could have caught him or not at the speed he was eventually going but that's not really the point. I mean, what was he thinking? He obviously only increased his speed so I couldn't catch up with him. Did he think I was trying to race him? I was on a steel framed tourer with mudguards and a rack pack and wasn't on my own. Did he imagine I was going to rush on, leave my lady love behind and try to break him in two with my majestic racing? Gawd knows. What a frigging tool!

I evidently wasn't tracking him with fury and bad intentions. We'd just said 'Hello' pleasantly a few minutes earlier. I just dunno what goes on in some people's heads at times.

P is for Precipitation: Thank goodness I remembered the word precipitation. Previously I had typed Pistulent Weather. Even by my own standards, making words up is contrived.

We were taken for a ride today. That's a poor choice of words. We actually went on a ride today and weren't taken anywhere, unless you count travelling by bicycle as the bike taking us somewhere. Anyway, this taking for a ride isn't of that sort. It refers, instead, to the hilarious lark which is the weather forecast.

As you will know if you read the previous post, I've been going doolally with weather woes. It has been raining pretty much every day recently. Imagine my joy when the forecasts showed today's weather to be white cloud but dry (not normally that exciting I'll grant you). We plotted and planned a route to do today, got our stuff ready last night (I'm like a child on Christmas Eve) and headed out for a lovely cycle today. Well guess what, it pissed down on us and was almost exactly the same weather we've been having almost every day recently; hours of light rain with the odd bright spell.

Oh how the weather forecasters must giggle with their evil games. Ha! The joke's on them. Despite both cyclists (myself and the good lady again) and our bikes getting absolutely filthy (requiring a hosing down and some Muc-Off when we got home) and a few nervous moments on the filthy slippery roads, we enjoyed ourselves while the forecasters were chained up in their weather towers. Up theirs!

Third time lucky

Remember my witter about 'silly' cycle jerseys? No? It was the one with the photo of boobs. Ah, you remember now.

Anyhoo (as people don't actually say), in that post, I mentioned about ordering a Foska Kwik-E-Mart jersey from Evans Cycles.

As is customary in these affairs, I paid for the jersey and it arrived in the post. As is also customary in such situations, I wore this jersey while cycling (just the once), the hem unravelled and a long white thread tried to make its way into my gearing (thankfully failing to do so). Evans was phoned, apologies were made (by them, not me), the jersey was sent back (with me paying for the shipping), time was waited and another jersey (as if by magic) arrived in the post.

Again going with custom, I opened the package and looked at the jersey. This time, I didn't even need to put it on to see it wasn't good. Down the left side, a thread had been caught, pulled and left the jersey laddered/hitched up. I'm not sure what the actual expression is but hope my stumbling wordage gets you in the right ballpark. Oh and it had dirty dusty warehouse smudges on it but they were washable.

So, on the phone to Evans I went again and this time had a good whinge at them about having to spend so much on posting the jerseys back, driving to and from the post office etc. (although I'm not sure there actually as an 'etc.'). The nice chap from Evans told me to hang on to the faulty jersey (which is wearable but not of merchantable quality) and had another one (which he inspected beforehand) sent out to me.

The new jersey, so far, seems to be in good condition and has not fallen apart after one wear. We'll see how it survives a mild wash.

In summary, the lessons learned are; Evans Cycles eventually seems to sort problems out to customers' satisfaction and whinging at people is the best way to get results.

Onto other matters...

Hasn't this week been appalling! Being one who, whenever possible, doesn't cycle in the rain, I've been going spare. I've had a terrible case of cabin fever, sitting indoors getting gradually angrier and angrier about and at the weather.

The weather isn't a great thing to get angry at. There's never any satisfactory conclusion. I can be angry at it for rainy weeks, become friends again when the rain subsides and it'll still turn round and rain all over me without any concern for how it might make me feel.

I suppose it's better to direct one's anger at the weather than at other living beings. However, in writing that, my cabin fever has made me even more insufferable to live with than normal. It's amazing quite how depressed the inactivity was making me feel. Getting out for a quick (in terms of time, not my speed) ride yesterday was like opening a frustration valve.

By nature I'm a fairly lazy chap. I don't particularly enjoy exercise for exercise sake. In fact, if I perceived cycling as exercise and not an activity, I'm not sure I would enjoy it very much. Other than cycling, I haven't been doing much cardiovascular exercise and I miss it terribly when I'm housebound by the weather. I could (and should) use a treadmill, spinning bike, cross-trainer, rowing machine and suchlike and attempt to keep get fit that way but it's not something I derive much pleasure from and find it hard to motivate myself to partake in such activities. If I was more of a fan of banging Eurotechno, I might find it easier.

Thanks for reading and may the weather where you are be always sunny (although not really because that would probably lead to some terrible problems with crops, water supplies and all that auld caper).

Crosswinds? They were bloody furious

Forgive the awful cliched joke I titled this post with. In fact, revel in it. It's all downhill (and not in the good cycling downhill way) from there.

Unsurprisingly (as most of my posts start this way) I was out for a scoot (again, not anything fecal) on my bicycle today and this time found myself thinking a lot about crosswinds. It wasn't particularly windy but enough to bring them to my attention. Plus, they'd been talking about crosswinds on ITV4's Vuelta coverage and Paul Kimmage mentioned about them in the bit of Rough Ride (so far an upbeat piece of chirpy light reading and chuckles if ever there was one) I was reading last night. I was prone to crosswind thoughts. 'So get to the point' I hear you cry. Yes, you're right.

Thinking about crosswinds and suffering a little bit of them today, I wondered why they're so annoying. I cycle alone most of the time so it's not like I'm missing out on shelter in the bunch. I'd have thought, using my basic abilities, a wind coming from the side wouldn't make much difference to one's forward motion. It seems I'd have thought wrong. Why does a perpendicular breeze make it more difficult to move forwards? I mean, it's not as bad as an out and out headwind but it's far from pleasant. Am I being an idiot by not knowing? Probably.

In other gibberish, I'm pleased with the way my dodgy right knee has been behaving. I went up (by my standards) a couple of reasonable climbs today. They were quite different from one another too; one was a longer consistent drag and the other was pretty steep (up to about 16/17% at times, which made me feel like walking). It was a good test for my knee and it appears to have passed. That Talar Made 'Compression Cold Therapy - Knee' ice pack seems to have been doing its job. Even asides from it, in general, I've been taking better care of my wonky knee. I've been rubbing anti-inflammatory gels into it, stretching it more fastidiously than I might have in the past, making sure I don't kneel on it too much and lots of little things like that. It appears to be paying off. Here's hoping it continues with its good behaviour.

Do you remember me slabbering on (a few posts ago) about sticking Elite bottle cages on my Sab Alicudi? No? Don't worry about it. Well, I've got a pair of Elite 'Custom Race' bottle cages and the Elite logo on them (which is kind of rubbery) got quite grimy very quickly. I thought I'd give something a go before heading out today and, to my pleasant surprise, it cleaned them up well. It was, simply, to clean them with a toothbrush and toothpaste. Ha! In your face people who think Europeans don't own toothbrushes or toothpaste. Obviously I'd advise using an old toothbrush (or one bought specifically) for such purposes.

While on the subject of the Elite 'Custom Race' cages, I'd advise people to make sure their bottle is fully pushed into place when using them. It slides in a bit and seems to meet some resistance but takes another push to get it into the desired position. I've accidentally put it into the 'first' position a few times. It hasn't caused any problems but I'd guess it holds the bottles less satisfactorily and slippage could occur. Don't come crying to me when that happens.

ADDENDUM: After writing the main piece of this post I (although it was fairly spotless when I got it home as it had been dry) cleaned my bicycle. That in and of itself isn't anything peculiar for me. However, this time, I cleaned the tyres. Is that a step too far? Am I on a slippery slope?

The beginning of the end

Some may say I'm prone to a little hyperbole when it comes to titling these (normally waffling and not terribly interesting) posts. I'd have to agree.

'The beginning of the end' may be slightly misleading. The only thing ending is the summer. Not surprising really, what with it being the last day of August and all that, but never a pleasant experience.

'Er indoors (or some other 70s, slightly unpleasant term) and I were out for a tootle on our bikes today. That means we were out cycling in a leisurely manner, not urinating on them. Anyway, yes, we were out for a cycle and it was the first time for months when we've had to wear our 3/4 length knickers instead of our shorts. Arm warmers were also a requirement today. I fear this is the shape of things to come.

Our delightful flimsy summer garb will be shoved away in the bottom of a box and we'll be dusting off our long sleeved jerseys, bib-knickers, long sleeved base layers, bib-tights, gilets, winter gloves, glove liners, jackets, under-helmet skullcaps and any other heat retaining cycle clothing we can think of. I know it doesn't matter or stop me being able to get out on my bike but it still makes me a little sad to be saying 'Bye bye' to the summer until next year. Phooey! Maybe I need to consider moving somewhere altogether warmer, although I'm sure hotter climates have associated problems I probably haven't considered.

This is more as a reminder to myself than anything; I forgot to start the timer/data recording on my GPS today after stopping for lunch. That's annoying, especially as some of it was up a wee climb I wanted to look at afterwards. Double phooey!

Despite all my grumbling, I had a lovely day out on my bike and hope to continue doing so through autumn and winter (which would make a change for me).

By the way, is it ironic that I missed the live coverage of the Vuelta because I was out cycling? Perhaps not as professional cycling and what I do have almost nothing in common .

Whatever the weather

Not that I'm likely to head out for a cycle at 10pm but it's just as well if Metcheck's forecast for tonight is to be believed (if you click on the image it should increase in size). I better remember to bring a jacket if I'm doing anything...

On that subject, at what temperature does anyone decide 'It's too cold to cycle wearing shorts and short sleeves. I'll wear something warmer'? I'm not sure at which point it happens with me. It might actually be as much seasonal as temperature related. What I mean is, for example, it was probably as cold when I was out a couple of days ago as it was during late spring. In spring I'd have been wearing 3/4 length bib-knickers and a long sleeved base layer below a short sleeved jersey. However, in 'summer' (if it could be called that) I have stuck with shorts and a short sleeved jersey with a sleeveless base layer below. Where's the sense in that?

Does the ground hold a bit of heat which builds up over the summer or am I merely in the habit of wearing lighter clothing and too stubborn to change? If anyone reads this and knows, please share your thoughts. It would be good for me learn something.