Lately it seems almost all of Europe has been subjected to wretched horrid wet weather. Unsurprisingly we haven't avoided any of it here. As a result, my cycling excursions have been limited for the last couple of weeks.

I got complacent during a few hot dry weeks and forgot we normally have cold wet weather. I wasn't the only imbecile. Everybody seemed to be straight out in their shorts, short sleeves etc. Basking in the sun with no memory of the previous weather conditions was de rigueur for a short but glorious period of time.

[Apologies in advance for the boring statistics you're about to read or choose not to read] Beginning on Saturday the 19th of May at 9-41am, I cycled a route I do from time to time. I wore bib-tights and a winter jersey with a baselayer below. The temperature averaged  10.8°C/51.5°F for my excursion with a minimum of 6°C/42.8°F and a maximum of 17°C/62.6°F (which lasted about a minute and was right at the end of my cycle). Setting out at 9-42am on Saturday the 26th of May, I cycled almost exactly the same route, in shorts and a short sleeved jersey, and the average temperature was 25.8°C/78.4°F. The minimum was 21°C/69.8°F and the maximum was a whopping 32°C/89.6°F (again for a very short period right at the end of the cycle). Much as I like it, I'm not sure my Edge 800 is one hundred percent accurate with temperature but, assuming it's vaguely correct, how are such changes in temperature in a mere week even possible?

It's now (as you can tell from the date on this post) the middle of June. I went out for a cycle yesterday and had to wear a long sleeved baselayer below a short sleeved jersey and a pair of 3/4 length bib-knickers to cope with an 11.2°C/53.2°F average temperature. This is all rather discombobulating. I seem to remember there being definite seasons when I was a child. Perhaps it's a rose tinted memory and we've always had crazy temperature changes. Whilst on the subject of weather; Do you know lots of people who obsess over the weather despite not partaking in any activity which the weather affects? It seems loads of people gripe and moan about the terrible weather even though they spend almost their entire lives indoors. If I didn't want to do anything outdoors, I don't think the rain would bother me too much. 

Despite the weather grumbles, I managed to get out for a cycle last Sunday. Normally Sunday is the day we'd go out with one of the local clubs but I was trying out a new pair of Northwave 'Extreme Tech' shoes and didn't think my stopping constantly to adjust my cleats would be popular on a club run. I bought them because the Diadora 'ProRacer 2.0' shoes I bought a couple of months ago have started to hurt that bony bit on the top-right of my left foot. The Diadoras have got a little plate where the adjustable strap anchors and it has hurt my foot far more than one might imagine. It really is quite close to agony to attempt to wear the shoes. I tried e-mailing Chain Reaction (where I bought them) ten days ago and was told they were going to contact Diadora and get back to me. I'm still waiting. That's not good customer service. Besides, what useful insights are Diadora going to share? Will they send me some magic dust to sprinkle over the problem area and make everything okay?

Anyway, I'm wittering and should get back to my original point... I was out cycling last Sunday. While cycling uphill on a skinny country road, a car was hurtling downhill (toward me) at quite a pace. I did that invisible basketball dribble with my right hand to signal for the driver to slow down a bit. He didn't. Rather than brake, he decided to flip me the bird. Not pleased by this, I returned his bird with one of my own. Apparently it was okay for him to do this to me (and risk my life by nearly driving into me at speed) but my return of his gesture was beyond the pale. The ignoramus (the one in the car, not the one on the bike) stopped his car and began to reverse toward me. I, being a wuss, was rather frightened at the prospect of being punched/beaten/run over and kept cycling on as I had been. Thankfully the Neanderthal only reversed a little and then drove on but it reminded me, when cycling, it pays to have a long fuse and a short memory. 

We're so vulnerable when out on our bikes, compared to those driving large metal machines. If people shout abuse, drive dangerously, gesture in a less than pleasing manner etc. it seems the safest course of action from the cyclist is complete inaction. It's not easy to ignore someone who is being aggressive and bullying toward one but pressing on and trying to forget about it is probably the best thing to do. It's frustrating. People, of course, should not be treating one another in such a manner and people who do treat other likes that certainly shouldn't be behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. Unfortunately they are and all we can do is try to make our cycles as enjoyable and safe as possible. As my almost blown rear tyre has shown me, there are enough potential dangers for cyclists outside the actions of others without enraging some idiot stranger too.

Sorry about writing quite so much and thanks for reading. 

Ranting, cycling and boring

Heed the warning (on your left). I am about to rabbit on, in a completely uninteresting manner, about cycling nothings. 

Today, I find myself sitting indoors as constant rain spatters the world outside me. I'm not grumbling. It could be a lot worse. I've been drinking overly sweet coffees and am currently watching live coverage of the Giro d'Italia (often my favourite annual sporting event) on Eurosport. Life isn't too bad at all. Besides, I got out for a great cycle yesterday and my legs would probably appreciate the rest. They're not as young as they once were. 

I've had the pleasure of getting out on my bicycle a reasonable (for me) amount recently. Unlike a lot of neighbouring countries, it has generally been quite dry here. Sure, we've had strong winds but (as an old man once said to me about hills) you've got to try to look at that as an investment; It might be in your face on the outward leg of your journey but you'll be glad of it on the way home. That's the theory anyway. I'm not sure it works quite like that in reality. Yesterday was extremely calm and I found that considerably preferable.

So, what have I been up to in my unexciting word of cycling excursions? Probably the main event which happened (or almost happened) was last Saturday. I was out cycling on my own in a bright yellow jersey, coming down a little bit of a downhill and about to pass through a crossroads where I had right of way. Yep, we can all see where this is going. As I was coming downhill, I had good visibility and could see a small van (one of the wee vans with a car type front and van rear, if that makes sense) stopped at the end of the road to my right. The driver sat there for maybe five seconds or more and then pulled out, to his right, just as I was about to pass. 

It was so close, I could easily have touched the van and, in retrospect, am a bit sorry I didn't give it a slap to see if the driver thought he'd hit me and would have stopped. I was able to look right in the passenger window at the driver. After he passed, I shook my fist a bit (no rude gestures, which I thought was very reserved of me) and signalled to stop and come back. Unsurprisingly, he didn't. 

Thankfully I got the registration and was able to give it to the police along with a basic description of the driver. I found the police surprisingly helpful. That's not to say I expected them to be deliberately unhelpful. I simply imagined I'd get a 'Sorry, we can't really do anything about it' response. Instead they said it was terrible, I should be able to cycle without fear on the roads and they will try to track down the driver and have a word with him to let him know he's on file and this sort of behaviour is not acceptable. That's better than I imagined. I understand they can't prosecute with nobody else there as an eyewitness or without a confession from the driver himself. It turns out the van is registered to a company. With any luck, the driver will get in trouble with his bosses and possibly face some sort of disciplinary action there. Well, I live in hope. 

Obviously I was able to keep everything together and not get run off the road (just about) but it seems likely the intent of the driver was to try to get me to crash. Especially with my coming downhill at reasonable pace, that could have been pretty nasty. Even if the intent wasn't there and it was merely that the driver didn't notice me, I'm not sure that's any better. If people are driving about who can't see cyclists in bright jerseys, it would be nice to stop them driving around at all.

What else have I been up to? I've been getting a few more miles with those Time pedals I did a fumbling review of recently and continue to be impressed. One tiny niggle (actually less than a niggle but I can't think of a word lighter than niggle) is how I seem to be able to half-clip in from time to time. It doesn't happen terribly often but it would be better if it didn't happen at all. It may well be down to me and my clumsiness. What will happen is, I'll try to clip in and my cleat will get to a point where it's kind of in the pedal but doesn't feel fully engaged. I then seem to have to unclip and clip in again. It's not a big problem and, as I mentioned, may be down to my poor motor skills. Even when it is semi-clipped, I can still pedal happily enough; I just wouldn't like to have to rely on it when standing.

I was lucky recently; my heart rate strap stopped working. That, in and of itself, doesn't sound particularly lucky. However, it stopped working eight days before the warranty would have run out and I was able to get a replacement. Being me, I had (of course) ordered a replacement strap as soon as it stopped working and ended up with a second strap. That wasn't bad news for KG as it means she was able to switch her old heart rate strap for one of the new softer fabric ones. Plus, it means the old strap is there as backup if either of the new ones stops working. It's all good, as I believe I once heard a person say, possibly in a film.

On the subject of KG, I'm sorry to say she's been experiencing a bit of knee pain recently herself. She cut a few (uphill) miles off the end of yesterday's cycle to attempt to save her knee a bit. Here's hoping she doesn't continue to have any bother with it. Some stretching, overuse of Biofreeze and and strengthening exercise should help matters.

I've been reading the book French Revolutions: Cycling the Tour de France. Have you read it? I initially started reading our copy of it quite a few years ago, decided I didn't like Tim Moore (the author) very much and stopped. I decided to go back to it recently and, while I'm still not overly enamoured with the author, I find parts of the book fairly interesting and amusing. Some of the book, I'd say, should be taken with a pinch of salt. I fear Moore is a fibber at best and outright liar at worst. He's a difficult man to like and gives many reasons not to but it's still reasonably entertaining reading at times, if a little drawn out to fill pages (says Mr. Pot about Mr. Kettle although, with my being merely some unread internet random, I don't feel any guilt about doing so).

Another one of my feeling manly without any good reason about repairing my bike moments happened the other day. I'd been having a spot of bother with my forks jiggling about a little. To explain a bit better; if I had my front brakes on, there was a millimetre or two of motion if I tried to move my bike forward and/or backward. Oh and there was an unpleasant clicking noise too. Well, the noise wasn't unpleasant so much as the reason behind the noise. A nice man in a bike shop told me it was probably due to the headset being a bit loose inside the steerer. He then showed me a couple of different types of headset so I could understand how they gripped the inside of the steerer. Thankfully the headset on my bike was of the easy to adjust yourself with an allen key variety. Despite getting confused twice in a row and letting part of the headset fall down into the tube, I finally managed to understand anti-clockwise turns tightened the unit in place, did that, replaced the stem and spacers and, amazingly, it seems good.I was able to fix it in a matter of a few minutes. Just goes to show what a tiny iota of passed on knowledge can do. It saved me the time and money of having to take the bike to a professional and means I don't have to be without it for a day or two. Hurrah! The world is wonderful. 

I think that's quite enough of my witterations for now. For anyone reading, it must be like receiving a really boring e-mail which wasn't actually intended for you. Thanks for your patience.

P is for...

P is for Panda but, in this case, it isn't actually for panda. I merely liked the image of the panda and nabbed it from a Google Images search. P is for Plagiarism. I wish I had a superb panda/cycling related anecdote to share but I don't. If you'd like to write such a tale yourself and share it with me, please do so in the comments section (below). The best answer wins absolutely nothing (as does the worst and all the non-answers).

My P this time is for Purchasing. Yes, I've done that one before but sure this whole blog is nothing but repeated rambling witters about vaguely cycling related bits and bobs. Don't start complaining now. If you weren't moaning right at the start, you're too late.

Being the exciting chap I am, I've recently bought some stuff. Please excuse my technical terminology. I have (as already noted) bought a new bike (albeit for my beloved/other half/'er indoors etc. etc.) and some wheels recently but I'll write about other stuff rather than cover them again.

I decided I'd share my first impressions on some of the stuff I've bought. To call these reviews would be very flattering; they're more gibbering thoughts than anything. Maybe they'll be useful, maybe they won't. Either way, they fill space, give me something to do and prove I'm still alive.

Time I-CLIC Carbon pedals
(NB that link goes to information on this year's version of the pedals. They're not terribly different from the pedals I bought)
 

I'd been using Look A5.1 pedals for the past while and, although they were fine at the time, they're a tad antiquated and heavy by today's standards. That being the case, I decided to change to something more modern. Would I stay with Look pedals and go Keo, choose Shimano SPD SL, maybe Speedplay  and their zany pedal clips into the cleat craziness (obviously I didn't do any of those and the questions were rhetorical) or possibly the likes of Time? The world was my oxter. 

So, off I popped to some local bike shops (that could be the start of an awful rhyme) to see what each pedal had to offer. It appears they primarily offered something very similar; a large triangular plastic cleat. Speedplay, of course, was different but we'll mention their twisted perversions no longer. Ultimately my choice of Time hinged on three points:

a) Absolutely lovely guy in shop (and his equally charming brother in their other shop) said he'd been using Time because he suffered knee problems in the past and found Time pedals good for alleviating that. That led me to think "Hmmm. I've had a bit of knee bother myself..." (who hasn't?) "...they might be a suitable choice for me too".

b) I'd tried Look (albeit not Keo) and my good lady has Shimano SPD SL on her bicycle. I wanted to try out a make I had no experience with.

c) This is probably the most important point; I thought they looked good. They're black, pointy and sleek looking. I wanted to see them on my bike. Even if I can't pedal to any level, I want my bike to look as good as I can on the budget I have. It spends the vast majority of its time sitting around hoping I don't get back on it or pleading to be cleaned. Why not let it look as good as it can during those times?

Time it was then. £134GBP later (I know I could have got them for cheaper online but the shop I bought them from was absolutely excellent and I wanted to give them my business) and I was the proud owner of a pair of Time I-CLIC Carbon pedals and their associated cleats. 

This is all leads to the important question; Are they any good? 

So far, I've done four journeys on them for a total of slightly over 170 miles (275 Km if you're a bit more advanced than me and my imperial ways). Of course that's not enough to fully judge any pedals on but, so far, I've noticed them being a bit easier to push than the heavy old Looks were. I'd like to think modern Look (and other brands) pedals would also compare favourable against a close to ten years old pair of Looks with Delta cleats (not to be confused with Delta Goodrem who, it appears, doesn't click into any type of pedal).

Clipping in and out seems very easy. I'd say it's more natural than I've found it to be with the Look Deltas. There's less of an almighty click. As is to be expected, it takes me a little while to acclimatise myself with the slightly different pedal position when clipping in but I think I've got used to already. Despite the lack of thunderclap click (I'm getting carried away now), my feet don't seem like they might unclip of their own accord. I'm pretty sure they're solidly held in place when clipped in. Like any new pedal, some cleat microadjustments had to be made to get me comfortable but I'd imagine that's going to be the case with every pedal on the market. The only particular nuance one might wish to be aware of with Times is their more shallow cleat. They clip in about half a centimetre lower than other cleats. I had to lower my saddle a tiny amount to allow for this. Prior to that, I'd experienced a little pain in my right (which is my weaker side) hamstring and think that may have been due to the change in position. Since microadjusting the cleats and the seatpost, I've found them very comfortable.

Without meaning to make a terrible pun, time will tell how the new pedals and I fare as a couple. So far so good. They're light, comfortable (once adjusted, as with any pedal), easy to clip and out of while secure and (most importantly) they look great. They're the Venger of the pedal world. One downside some people might be wary of is Time only makes one type of cleat for their I-CLIC pedals. If you'd like the choice of different amounts of float in your cleat, Time might not be for you. Thankfully it seems (to date) to be for me. I found all the standard adjustments (cleat positioning on the shoe, saddle height etc.) catered for my needs.

Rather than witter on (and I certainly did) about another item I've recently bought, I'll stop here and do that at a later point. That will give you something to look forward to; a reason for living.

Just before I go, I've been out cycling with (the slow group of) a club recently. I've enjoyed it but noticed something which slightly baffles me. A few times, people have said something along the lines of "When you get into cycling you'll find..." or something in a similar vein. There seems to be an assumption a person can't be into cycling without going out cycling with a club. In actual fact, they're one of at least six clubs I've been out cycling with over the course of about the last eight or nine years. I just find it kind of funny and maybe a little patronising the way some people speak to one when s/he is a new member of their club. Mustn't grumble really. Other than that microscopically tiny niggle, they're an excellent bunch and I'm thoroughly enjoying my time cycling with them. I can definitely see many advantages to cycling in a group.

P is for...

P is for Pervert: Before I go any further, I feel the necessity to explain the photo on the left. It's from a film called Pervert! The Horror Channel seemed to keep showing it for a while but now appears to have given up. I tried to watch it once but didn't have the dedication to see it through, giving up quite early on. It's very much in the sub-sub-Russ Meyer mold; like something Meyer might have considered but decided against due to its low quality.

Explanation of that over, Why is P for pervert? Again it's a slightly long winded explanation of something simple...

A couple of weeks ago my good lady and I were round at a house belong to friends of ours [Yes, all these people really do exist outside my imagination] and we were talking about cycling. One of our friends said he thought Lycra wearing cycling was for perverts. I assume he was joking. However, I was rubbing some chamois cream around the general area of my anus today and about to pull up bib-shorts which revealed the outline of my genitals quite plainly and thought 'Joking or not, he has a point'.

Continuing in that theme, last night I did my first cycle leg shave. I'll be honest, I did it as much for something to do and a bit of 'I wonder why people do it. I'll do it and see if it makes any difference' as anything. I'm knee deep in cycling perversion.

So, my question is : Are cyclists little more than a thinly disguised bunch of pervs?

By the way, I've tagged this post with the word boobies. If past experience is anything to go by, I expect it to get many more views than the vast majority of the other posts on this blog.

F**k ewe!

I was cycling up Glenariff yesterday. As you'd imagine, I wasn't exactly flying. However, I was going fast enough to be held up by a farmer driving a flock of sheep up the road. Three cars were held up in front of me too. That's not interesting but it is relevant to some other non-interesting gubbins I'll be mentioning soon.

It was a nuisance to me but I understand farmers have to move their sheep between fields at some point and I was just unlucky to chance upon that road at that time.

So, anyway, I had to crawl up the road after this farmer (who was on a quad) and his flock of sheep. It took, what seemed like, ages. I'd estimate the two fields were at least half a mile apart and the poor little bleaters were tootling along at about four miles an hour.

To push toward my grumpy point, eventually the sheep reached their destination and another farmer (who I shall refer to as Farmer 2) guided them into their field. As each of the three cars passed, Farmer 2 smiled or said 'Thank you' and waved in appreciation. Then it was my turn. I nodded an acknowledgement to him as I was nearing Farmer 2 and got a complete fuck you stare in return. Huh? What the hell did I do to merit that?

I was way more obstructed than the motorists; I had to weave through sheep poop and was barely going at a speed where I could keep upright while they were able to sit (admittedly still being held back) in comfort and not have to worry about fresh sheep plops or unsuccessful attempts at track stands.

It's no big deal really but I find that kind of behaviour somewhat baffling. Why be all sweetness and light to the motorists and then glare at a cyclist who is proactively being friendly? That's not to say the motorists weren't being friendly. I simply don't know in their case.

As I say, it doesn't matter much but wouldn't life be more pleasant if people could show more appreciation to one another and at least feign being positive.

I'd like to add that I bear the sheep no malice whatsoever. They did their utmost to accommodate me and were very polite, other than the public defecation.

New shoes?

Many years ago (when I was young and at school) if someone wore new shoes it was a great jape to shout 'New shoes!' and stamp on and kick the shoes (and therefore feet contained within) to scuff them up. How our parents must have laughed when we came home with bruised feet and shoes barely fit for wear after one day of use. My own parents got their revenge on such actions by making me wear shoes with a little metal strip on the heel 'to stop them wearing out'. I would clickety clack down the corridors of the school like some kind of reverse tap dancer. In a way, I suppose it's not that different from the noise cleated cycle shoes make. The more things change etc. etc.

Why mention all this? Erm, I'm not sure. I kind of know. Bear with me while I witter please. There's a link in my head somewhere.

The other day, my beloved Kirby Girl purchased some new cycle shoes. Despite temptation, I didn't jump all over them and scuff them up. So, new shoes for the woman; what's the big deal about that? It's because KG has also got a new bike to go with her new shoes. Actually, that's not entirely true; the bike was ordered before the shoes.

Anyway, the Moser (with Shimano 105 groupset)arrived this morning and, after a couple of hours (no, I don't know why it took me that long either) to set it up, out we went for a spin. I don't know if it was the new bicycle or a new lease of life in the woman herself but KG was tough to keep up with today, particularly as I tired and she seemed to become stronger. My ego may not be able to tolerate this. To add to the me being easily surpassed concern, this was only about the second time KG has tried clipless pedals. I fear I shall soon be completely obsolete; a millstone round the neck of a speedy woman.

Well, I would fear all that but for my secret weapon; KG relies on me to fix any punctures (which she had one of today due to, I think, a dodgy tube). Once she does that for herself, I'll be melted down and made into glue and soap.

EDIT: I meant to mention but forgot; When KG had her puncture, I used a Topeak 'RaceRocket' mini-pump to inflate the tyre. Normally I find mini-pumps a bit awkward and can only get tyres to a bare minimum inflation but the RaceRocket did a good job and got the tyre pressure up to around 100 PSI (according to our track pump when we got home).

The combination of being able to securely thread the pump onto the valve and having a pliable hose (allowing me to put a bit of welly behind it without fearing damage to the valve/rim) seems to be a good one. As you'd expect, it takes a fair bit of effort to get up to 100 PSI or so but it's way more than I've managed with other mini-pumps. Normally I can't seem to get them above about 75 PSI, despite their manufacturer's claims.

Unfortunately, Topeak pays me nothing for this glowing endorsement.

EDIT 2: Yeah, I realise I should have put the crank in line with the chainstay and the chain into the big ring in the photo above. Quit yer griping! If I'd been doing it properly, I shouldn't have had a dirty wall with a copper pipe in the photo either and probably should have used a camera with higher definition than my antiquated phone.

Cycling thoughts: 2 'Rain'

It's not a sophisticated thought. I'm not a sophisticated man. I barely pass for a man never mind the sophisticated bit.

The long and short of it is...

...I HATE RAIN

Okay okay, I see the point in rain. I like living in a country without serious water shortages, where crops grow well and suchlike. I don't, however, like being stuck in the house for a week, unable to cycle because it has rained almost constantly every single day.

The forecasts keep having a laugh at my expense; telling me 'Oh it's going to be dry the day after tomorrow, honest. Why don't you get all your cycling stuff together, plot a few routes and sure you'll have a great cycle in a couple of days' time'. Like the gullible muggins I am, I believe the forecast, prepare the relevant bits and bobs and get more excited than a middle-aged man should. With visions of slowly moving bicycles floating around in my head. Stoopid stoopid me! The forecast is a terrible liar. I've whinged about it before but I never learn.

Please think positive weather thoughts and help save my sanity (and waistline).

NB Yes, I know I could cycle in the rain but I'm a fair-weather lightweight when it comes to my cycling.

P is also for...

I was initially going to nab this piddly image but thought the picture I chose seemed more appropriate to here.

P is for Panic: I had a cyclist's nightmare the other morning. I was on the last leg of my getting ready to head out for a cycle routine; I'd reached the have a small cup of coffee stage. On went our Dolce Gusto coffee machine (if you click on the link, I hope you thoroughly enjoy their music), in went the Cafe Lungo (whatever that is) pod, over went the actually put coffee in a cup lever and 'Pffft!', out came a few drips before the machine went kaput.

'Eek!', 'Jakers!', 'Cripes!', 'Egads!' and other such words people don't actually say or think unless they're characters in a cartoon. I feared my, seemingly correct, actions had destroyed our beloved so simple even an idiot like me can use it coffee maker.

You may not be one who finds cycling and coffee go together as an almost inseparable pair but I am and I'm definitely not alone. The thought of breaking up that relationship was not one I relished. Plus, I didn't want to have to pay to get the coffee machine fixed or replaced. Tears were considered but didn't appear.

Needless to say, my panic and worries were for nothing. It was a wonky coffee pod. The machine was absolutely fine, coffee was consumed and a slow tootling cycled ensued. The world was a wonderful place.

P is for Peculiar: From time to time I'll perform an action and think afterwards 'Why on Earth did I do that?'. That time to time happened for me again on Friday.

I'd been cycling a (by my standards) hilly route along the Antrim coast and was thoroughly knackered while making my (slow) crawl up the coast. Passing through (makes me sound like a poop) Carnlough, some wag (ie. a cocky spide) was weaving all over the road on his oncoming bicycle. As he neared me he said, something along the lines of, 'What about a race mate?' while laughing. Usually I go into immediate self-depreciation mode and say the likes of 'Ach no. You'd only beat me too easily' but the fatigue of the day must have addled my mind.

Rather than humouring him, I waited until he was directly opposite me, looked him dead in eyes, grinned manically and flipped him the bird. Weird as it sounds, I seemed to think this was all good natured japing around at the time. I didn't mean it to be particularly offensive. Cocky spide, however, seemed less than enamoured. Oops! Unlikely as it is, if Cocky Spide is reading this, please accept my apologies (particularly for calling you a cocky spide).

P is for Pheasants: Loads of the buggers. It seems everywhere I cycle, asides from urinating (see previous P), I have to avoid pheasants.

Pheasants don't appear to be terribly smart, even as birds go. Rather than having the common sense to run or fly away from the oncoming bicycle, they have a tendency to run a few feet in one direction, turn around to run in another random manner and repeat this until they're either safe or involved in a crash. They're lovely birds but rather nonsensical. At least, in their defence, they're pheasants and not peasants. I'd hate to sully myself writing about the lower classes.

P is for Purchasing: I've had an almost obsession with buying (cheap) cycling stuff recently. Mainly it has comprised of jerseys and the odd bit of other clothing. It makes me wonder why I buy it all.

It's not that I have a huge vault filled with cycle gear but I certainly have enough to be getting on with. I could probably wear the stuff I have for the next five or ten years and not have to purchase another item of cycle clothing yet purchase I do. My (very basic) theory on this is of the old donkey and carrot scenario; If I buy cycling garments, I'll want to try them out. To try them out I have to go for a cycle. Therefore buying cycle clothing pushes me to go out and cycle more.

Of course it could just be that I like getting stuff.

P is for Pique: Pique's probably too strong a word but it starts with a P so it'll do. I'm sorry to say deflate doesn't start with a P so it won't do. Maybe I should have tried to shoehorn in puncture in an emotional sense? With the bicycle reference, that might have seemed almost clever. What a shame I'm not.

Anyway, my slightly peeved (maybe I should have used P is for Peeve) grump comes from an order I made with Bike Dock. I had ordered my lovely lady three pairs of their Altura Night Vision tights because they were listed for a mere £19-99 GBP each. It seemed like a great price. In addition to the tights, I ordered some other bits and pieces. I think the total order came to a little over £130 GBP.

This morning I received an e-mail apologising and telling me they had a software problem and the tights were incorrectly priced on their website. Apparently the actual price is £34-99 GBP. As the error had been on their part, they said they'd give me another ten percent off the £34-99 GBP.

I appreciate it was an error and am grateful for their apology but, more often than not, companies tend to honour the incorrect price. That being the case, I decided to cancel the order in its entirety. It's the first time I've tried to order anything from Bike Dock and it doesn't entice me to do so again. I'd imagine they're not obliged to sell items at the listed price if there is a mistake but it annoys me they didn't offer to do so. As I wrote earlier, in my experience, normally shops do sell items for the listed price in this scenario. It was, after all, their mistake.

Rather than put me off shopping there, they could have honoured the price and I would have thought 'That's good of them. I'll shop there again' instead of my current 'That's not as good as other shops. I'll not hurry back there to buy anything'. It seems silly on their part. They might have had to take a slight hit on tights but would have earned a new customer (potentially both online and physically in the shop) and good words from me to other prospective customers. Besides, I'd think the profits from the other items I was going to buy likely more than offset any losses incurred from the tights.

As I say, they didn't do anything particularly bad, they just didn't do anything that good. Other shops have shown considerably superior customer service and will get my business instead. They've left a bit of a bad taste. Maybe they'll write back to my cancel the order e-mail and redeem themselves. That remains to be seen. I'll be surprised if they do.

P is for...

P is for Puncture: When it comes to most aspects of life, I'm not a superstitious fool. I don't worship the moon or believe a certain number of a particular type of bird means I'm going to win the lottery or die horribly. Yep, I like to think I'm a modern scientific level-headed guy. Why then, if I'm so bloody logical, do I refuse to say the P word when out cycling? It even pained me to type it there earlier. What kind of moron am I (before you answer, I'm many types and flavours of moron)?

Do I think some sort of tyre god (as opposed to the Norse god Tyr [thank you Valhalla]) is going to send forth a plague of thorns should I dare utter the P word? Apparently I do. Apparently I am of the opinion my saying the P word will directly result in my getting a hole in my tyre which allows air to escape. That means two things must be true:

1. I'm extremely egotistical to think I'm so important or magical as to make this mystical tyre rupturing take place with only the utterance of a mere word
2. I'm obviously mental and not in a way people say when they want people to think they're great fun but rather in the manner which means they're in danger of being sectioned

P is for Pee or Pee Pee or Piss or Pish: There are probably other names for urinating which start with a P too. Please feel free to share in the comments section.

Of late it seems I can't cycle for more than a couple of miles without an overwhelming desire to urinate. As I'm not an animal wishing to mark his territory, I fear I may have an over excitable bladder. He's fine when he's in the house but take him out for a day (I mean out of the house not outside my body) and it appears he's a terrible showoff.

I'm not sure if it's the recent spate of cold weather giving my bladder a shock, the caffeine filled tablets which are in the fluid I drink (caffeine barely needs to pass my lips before I've have to make toilet) or simply one of the unpleasant parts of the aging process. Whatever it is, I'm against it. I don't want to be stopping all the time to empty my waste at the side of the road. It's highly unpleasant and rather unseemly. Plus, I don't want to find myself getting in trouble because someone thought I was having a fiddle when I was actually having a piddle (there's another one). P is not for pervert (or anything considerably worse).

P is for Plonker/Pillock: Well, it is if you're Derek Trotter (for the former) or a cliched person from northern England (for the latter).

This grumble relates to an incident when we (myself and my good lady) were out cycling about a week ago. We were passed by another cyclist and pleasantries (ie. 'Hello') were exchanged.

After he passed us, realising we were almost home, I said to 'er indoors 'We've got a few gels and things we didn't use. Should I catch up with him and ask him if he wants them?'. Post affirmative response, I gave chase to offer gels, bars etc. to the gent who had passed us and may have required them more than us. I was catching up with him reasonably quickly until he looked round, saw I was closing and decided to up his pace. Likewise, I increased my speed and bit so I could make the offer. He kept looking round to see where I was and carried on and on increasing his speed as I got closer and closer.

Eventually I couldn't be arsed any more and stopped trying to catch him. Honestly, I don't know if I could have caught him or not at the speed he was eventually going but that's not really the point. I mean, what was he thinking? He obviously only increased his speed so I couldn't catch up with him. Did he think I was trying to race him? I was on a steel framed tourer with mudguards and a rack pack and wasn't on my own. Did he imagine I was going to rush on, leave my lady love behind and try to break him in two with my majestic racing? Gawd knows. What a frigging tool!

I evidently wasn't tracking him with fury and bad intentions. We'd just said 'Hello' pleasantly a few minutes earlier. I just dunno what goes on in some people's heads at times.

P is for Precipitation: Thank goodness I remembered the word precipitation. Previously I had typed Pistulent Weather. Even by my own standards, making words up is contrived.

We were taken for a ride today. That's a poor choice of words. We actually went on a ride today and weren't taken anywhere, unless you count travelling by bicycle as the bike taking us somewhere. Anyway, this taking for a ride isn't of that sort. It refers, instead, to the hilarious lark which is the weather forecast.

As you will know if you read the previous post, I've been going doolally with weather woes. It has been raining pretty much every day recently. Imagine my joy when the forecasts showed today's weather to be white cloud but dry (not normally that exciting I'll grant you). We plotted and planned a route to do today, got our stuff ready last night (I'm like a child on Christmas Eve) and headed out for a lovely cycle today. Well guess what, it pissed down on us and was almost exactly the same weather we've been having almost every day recently; hours of light rain with the odd bright spell.

Oh how the weather forecasters must giggle with their evil games. Ha! The joke's on them. Despite both cyclists (myself and the good lady again) and our bikes getting absolutely filthy (requiring a hosing down and some Muc-Off when we got home) and a few nervous moments on the filthy slippery roads, we enjoyed ourselves while the forecasters were chained up in their weather towers. Up theirs!

Cycling thoughts: 1 'Gears'

It's easy to write posts of about two sentences on this so I will and I'll pretend they're profound (which they're not) by associating them with the word thought (or possibly thoughts).

I think I'll do a load of them because, as I say, it's dead easy and fills space. Right, here goes nothing...

My first thought was... Hang on, it wasn't my first thought ever, it's just the first thought I had in terms of doing these thoughts things. I have thought in the past. Hmmm, seems trying to keep to a couple of sentences is proving more difficult for me than I imagined. Back to the matter in hand...

My first thought was probably that previous post where I realised I was being a little obsessive using a cotton bud to clean my bicycle. However, I didn't post it as such so this is going to be the first thought even thought it isn't really.

Okay, now to the dismal disappointment of my thought. Gawd this is an anticlimax. Anyway, I was thinking today about that moment of disappointment when you're struggling along on your bike and think 'I'll change down into the gear I was holding off going into until I'm really knackered' and then realise you were already in it.

Oh dear. That was it. Sorry about that. Must do better.