Lately it seems almost all of Europe has been subjected to wretched horrid wet weather. Unsurprisingly we haven't avoided any of it here. As a result, my cycling excursions have been limited for the last couple of weeks.

I got complacent during a few hot dry weeks and forgot we normally have cold wet weather. I wasn't the only imbecile. Everybody seemed to be straight out in their shorts, short sleeves etc. Basking in the sun with no memory of the previous weather conditions was de rigueur for a short but glorious period of time.

[Apologies in advance for the boring statistics you're about to read or choose not to read] Beginning on Saturday the 19th of May at 9-41am, I cycled a route I do from time to time. I wore bib-tights and a winter jersey with a baselayer below. The temperature averaged  10.8°C/51.5°F for my excursion with a minimum of 6°C/42.8°F and a maximum of 17°C/62.6°F (which lasted about a minute and was right at the end of my cycle). Setting out at 9-42am on Saturday the 26th of May, I cycled almost exactly the same route, in shorts and a short sleeved jersey, and the average temperature was 25.8°C/78.4°F. The minimum was 21°C/69.8°F and the maximum was a whopping 32°C/89.6°F (again for a very short period right at the end of the cycle). Much as I like it, I'm not sure my Edge 800 is one hundred percent accurate with temperature but, assuming it's vaguely correct, how are such changes in temperature in a mere week even possible?

It's now (as you can tell from the date on this post) the middle of June. I went out for a cycle yesterday and had to wear a long sleeved baselayer below a short sleeved jersey and a pair of 3/4 length bib-knickers to cope with an 11.2°C/53.2°F average temperature. This is all rather discombobulating. I seem to remember there being definite seasons when I was a child. Perhaps it's a rose tinted memory and we've always had crazy temperature changes. Whilst on the subject of weather; Do you know lots of people who obsess over the weather despite not partaking in any activity which the weather affects? It seems loads of people gripe and moan about the terrible weather even though they spend almost their entire lives indoors. If I didn't want to do anything outdoors, I don't think the rain would bother me too much. 

Despite the weather grumbles, I managed to get out for a cycle last Sunday. Normally Sunday is the day we'd go out with one of the local clubs but I was trying out a new pair of Northwave 'Extreme Tech' shoes and didn't think my stopping constantly to adjust my cleats would be popular on a club run. I bought them because the Diadora 'ProRacer 2.0' shoes I bought a couple of months ago have started to hurt that bony bit on the top-right of my left foot. The Diadoras have got a little plate where the adjustable strap anchors and it has hurt my foot far more than one might imagine. It really is quite close to agony to attempt to wear the shoes. I tried e-mailing Chain Reaction (where I bought them) ten days ago and was told they were going to contact Diadora and get back to me. I'm still waiting. That's not good customer service. Besides, what useful insights are Diadora going to share? Will they send me some magic dust to sprinkle over the problem area and make everything okay?

Anyway, I'm wittering and should get back to my original point... I was out cycling last Sunday. While cycling uphill on a skinny country road, a car was hurtling downhill (toward me) at quite a pace. I did that invisible basketball dribble with my right hand to signal for the driver to slow down a bit. He didn't. Rather than brake, he decided to flip me the bird. Not pleased by this, I returned his bird with one of my own. Apparently it was okay for him to do this to me (and risk my life by nearly driving into me at speed) but my return of his gesture was beyond the pale. The ignoramus (the one in the car, not the one on the bike) stopped his car and began to reverse toward me. I, being a wuss, was rather frightened at the prospect of being punched/beaten/run over and kept cycling on as I had been. Thankfully the Neanderthal only reversed a little and then drove on but it reminded me, when cycling, it pays to have a long fuse and a short memory. 

We're so vulnerable when out on our bikes, compared to those driving large metal machines. If people shout abuse, drive dangerously, gesture in a less than pleasing manner etc. it seems the safest course of action from the cyclist is complete inaction. It's not easy to ignore someone who is being aggressive and bullying toward one but pressing on and trying to forget about it is probably the best thing to do. It's frustrating. People, of course, should not be treating one another in such a manner and people who do treat other likes that certainly shouldn't be behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. Unfortunately they are and all we can do is try to make our cycles as enjoyable and safe as possible. As my almost blown rear tyre has shown me, there are enough potential dangers for cyclists outside the actions of others without enraging some idiot stranger too.

Sorry about writing quite so much and thanks for reading. 

Silly Cycle Jerseys

Maybe silly isn't the right word for the jerseys I'm going to babble about. A silly cycle jersey might be one made of a material entirely unsuitable for purpose. For example, a paper cycle jersey (while good at blocking the wind on descents, for a while anyway) would be a silly cycle jersey; it wouldn't wash very well and the wicking properties are at best questionable. No, the more I think of it, the more I realise the jerseys I'll bore you about with my prattling barely related nonsense aren't silly.I suppose they're more flippant. That's not to be confused with flippant the bird, a practice one shouldn't undertake even with the most arrogant of drivers (unless one wishes said driver to turn round and drive over one).

Was there a reason or point to this? Barely and I'll struggle to make it with a series of terrible puns and vaguely related/disjointed paragraphs. Have fun reading...

Does a cycle jersey say much about the person wearing it? I'm not sure. I guess it does as much as general day to day clothing. Possibly more. In fact, almost definitely more. If pressed (I'm so sick of strangers constantly asking my opinion on cycle jersey purchasing) I'd say, for most, there's a more proactive process in buying and wearing cycle clothing than with general clothes. Perhaps I'm too subjective on this subject because I probably put more thought into my cycle clothing purchases than my general garb. In my case it's partly because my cycling ensembles tend to be more expensive than my normal clothing. That's not to say my cycling attire is of the highest quality and price. It's not. I'm an equal opportunities tightwad cheapskate in all walks of life.

In summary, it's safe to say one's cycle jersey says something about him/her. What is this something it says?

As usual, all I can do is write from personal experience or the shared experiences of friends. As I have no friends, that narrows it down to personal experience. When I started cycling as an adult (see old posts like this for some boredom about that subject) I was a bit of a moron when it comes to cycle clothing. At first, I didn't want 'Stupid looking Lycra shorts' or anything like that. After getting more into cycling and buying a second hand Peugeot road bike (which I still have a soft spot for but never use nowadays) I realised wearing activity appropriate clothing was a good move. Let the ne'r-do-wells scoff at me all they like.

Initially I deliberately bought very plain jerseys etc. I was very much of the opinion that 'I'm not going to wear any team stuff because I'm not a competitive cyclist and, even if I was, I wouldn't be at the level of the pros and shouldn't wear their stuff'. While I'm no faster or more competitive than I was and am more aware than ever of the huge gap in fitness between me and professional cyclists, I've since bought a few team jerseys. At the time, I also thought drivers might think 'Aye, there's one of those Lycra clad wannabe cycle race b@5t@rd5' and didn't want anyone behind the wheel of a potential battering ram to show any more bitterness toward me than was absolutely necessary. Come to think of it, I still reckon some motorists might be a bit that way. I am, however, of the opinion people with such attitudes will look for something to aggravate them in anything. There's no winning with some people.

Something which put me off wearing team kit was an example of my own snideness. We were passing a guy in a Fassa Bortolo kit one day. He was less than slim and I commented (only to the passenger in the car) 'Fatty Bartolo' (I was throwing stones and risked breaking the glass in my own house). It made me think 'If I'm a snide enough twat to say that, what could I expect passing motorists to shriek out the window at me?'. Not being a fan of random abuse, I shied away from such clothing for a while. I still don't wear much team kit but, at the same time, I like watching the Pro Tour and now see no reason not to wear associated clothing. I'm evidently less snide and more confident than I once was.

'What does any of this rubbish have to do with silly or flippant cycle jerseys?' you ask (if you're still reading). If you did ask that, you've made a good point. I have wittered rather. It's not much of a post really; it's merely about my penchant for more flippant cycle jerseys. I order a couple of Foska Simpsons themed jerseys (from Evans Cycles) today and it made me think 'I'm partial to a bit of silly jersey'. I should have thought 'I'm partial to a bit of a flippant jersey'. The jerseys I ordered were the Kwik-E-Mart short sleeve and the Duff Beer long sleeve. They're hardly especially zany shirts to wear and I wouldn't wear t-shirts of them in my day to day life (admittedly this makes little sense) but here's hoping they're a good fit and look well. I suppose, going back to an earlier point, part of the reason (in addition to my simply liking them) in getting such jerseys is in the (vain?) hope some motorists might think 'Ach, he's just some spud out to have fun on his bike. I'll not bother running over him'.

I also bought a half price token from the Bike Radar Daily Deal thingamajig to get a jersey off the Half Baked Brand website. That's what started all this off today and led to my looking at (and then buying) the Foska jerseys. I really shouldn't sign up for special offer e-mails. They end up costing me a lot. I'm not sure which jersey to get from Half Baked Brand. I'd have liked the long sleeve Milking It! jersey but it's only available in enormous sizes and I'm a wretched little pune. The short sleeve Milking It! is good but I wish it didn't have the words 'Milking It!' on the back. The green Milking It! (which reminds me a little of Sky's Tour de France ensemble) doesn't have the words on the back but I think I might prefer the white jersey (although the green appeals to me more as I keep looking at it). The white jersey is probably more noticeable and that's something worth taking into account, although the green isn't exactly subtle itself. Another option, which would be less selfish, would be to get my good lady the pink Milking It! jersey. Oh such awful high pressure decisions! The more I look at them, the more I think any of them would be good.

Whichever I pick (with the exception of my showing an unusual generosity and choosing to get a top for not me) it can join my Tunnocks Teacakes, various Primal and Northwave jerseys and whatever other associated tat I pull round my unfit form and sweat profusely in.

Ultimately the jersey means most to the wearer and much less than the wearer. It doesn't help me go faster or get fitter but it might increase my enjoyment in giving it a bash.

NB Believe it or not, this wasn't entirely an excuse to show a picture of a lady with her painted bosoms on display. I had started blethering on long before I found the picture.