Ranting, cycling and boring

Heed the warning (on your left). I am about to rabbit on, in a completely uninteresting manner, about cycling nothings. 

Today, I find myself sitting indoors as constant rain spatters the world outside me. I'm not grumbling. It could be a lot worse. I've been drinking overly sweet coffees and am currently watching live coverage of the Giro d'Italia (often my favourite annual sporting event) on Eurosport. Life isn't too bad at all. Besides, I got out for a great cycle yesterday and my legs would probably appreciate the rest. They're not as young as they once were. 

I've had the pleasure of getting out on my bicycle a reasonable (for me) amount recently. Unlike a lot of neighbouring countries, it has generally been quite dry here. Sure, we've had strong winds but (as an old man once said to me about hills) you've got to try to look at that as an investment; It might be in your face on the outward leg of your journey but you'll be glad of it on the way home. That's the theory anyway. I'm not sure it works quite like that in reality. Yesterday was extremely calm and I found that considerably preferable.

So, what have I been up to in my unexciting word of cycling excursions? Probably the main event which happened (or almost happened) was last Saturday. I was out cycling on my own in a bright yellow jersey, coming down a little bit of a downhill and about to pass through a crossroads where I had right of way. Yep, we can all see where this is going. As I was coming downhill, I had good visibility and could see a small van (one of the wee vans with a car type front and van rear, if that makes sense) stopped at the end of the road to my right. The driver sat there for maybe five seconds or more and then pulled out, to his right, just as I was about to pass. 

It was so close, I could easily have touched the van and, in retrospect, am a bit sorry I didn't give it a slap to see if the driver thought he'd hit me and would have stopped. I was able to look right in the passenger window at the driver. After he passed, I shook my fist a bit (no rude gestures, which I thought was very reserved of me) and signalled to stop and come back. Unsurprisingly, he didn't. 

Thankfully I got the registration and was able to give it to the police along with a basic description of the driver. I found the police surprisingly helpful. That's not to say I expected them to be deliberately unhelpful. I simply imagined I'd get a 'Sorry, we can't really do anything about it' response. Instead they said it was terrible, I should be able to cycle without fear on the roads and they will try to track down the driver and have a word with him to let him know he's on file and this sort of behaviour is not acceptable. That's better than I imagined. I understand they can't prosecute with nobody else there as an eyewitness or without a confession from the driver himself. It turns out the van is registered to a company. With any luck, the driver will get in trouble with his bosses and possibly face some sort of disciplinary action there. Well, I live in hope. 

Obviously I was able to keep everything together and not get run off the road (just about) but it seems likely the intent of the driver was to try to get me to crash. Especially with my coming downhill at reasonable pace, that could have been pretty nasty. Even if the intent wasn't there and it was merely that the driver didn't notice me, I'm not sure that's any better. If people are driving about who can't see cyclists in bright jerseys, it would be nice to stop them driving around at all.

What else have I been up to? I've been getting a few more miles with those Time pedals I did a fumbling review of recently and continue to be impressed. One tiny niggle (actually less than a niggle but I can't think of a word lighter than niggle) is how I seem to be able to half-clip in from time to time. It doesn't happen terribly often but it would be better if it didn't happen at all. It may well be down to me and my clumsiness. What will happen is, I'll try to clip in and my cleat will get to a point where it's kind of in the pedal but doesn't feel fully engaged. I then seem to have to unclip and clip in again. It's not a big problem and, as I mentioned, may be down to my poor motor skills. Even when it is semi-clipped, I can still pedal happily enough; I just wouldn't like to have to rely on it when standing.

I was lucky recently; my heart rate strap stopped working. That, in and of itself, doesn't sound particularly lucky. However, it stopped working eight days before the warranty would have run out and I was able to get a replacement. Being me, I had (of course) ordered a replacement strap as soon as it stopped working and ended up with a second strap. That wasn't bad news for KG as it means she was able to switch her old heart rate strap for one of the new softer fabric ones. Plus, it means the old strap is there as backup if either of the new ones stops working. It's all good, as I believe I once heard a person say, possibly in a film.

On the subject of KG, I'm sorry to say she's been experiencing a bit of knee pain recently herself. She cut a few (uphill) miles off the end of yesterday's cycle to attempt to save her knee a bit. Here's hoping she doesn't continue to have any bother with it. Some stretching, overuse of Biofreeze and and strengthening exercise should help matters.

I've been reading the book French Revolutions: Cycling the Tour de France. Have you read it? I initially started reading our copy of it quite a few years ago, decided I didn't like Tim Moore (the author) very much and stopped. I decided to go back to it recently and, while I'm still not overly enamoured with the author, I find parts of the book fairly interesting and amusing. Some of the book, I'd say, should be taken with a pinch of salt. I fear Moore is a fibber at best and outright liar at worst. He's a difficult man to like and gives many reasons not to but it's still reasonably entertaining reading at times, if a little drawn out to fill pages (says Mr. Pot about Mr. Kettle although, with my being merely some unread internet random, I don't feel any guilt about doing so).

Another one of my feeling manly without any good reason about repairing my bike moments happened the other day. I'd been having a spot of bother with my forks jiggling about a little. To explain a bit better; if I had my front brakes on, there was a millimetre or two of motion if I tried to move my bike forward and/or backward. Oh and there was an unpleasant clicking noise too. Well, the noise wasn't unpleasant so much as the reason behind the noise. A nice man in a bike shop told me it was probably due to the headset being a bit loose inside the steerer. He then showed me a couple of different types of headset so I could understand how they gripped the inside of the steerer. Thankfully the headset on my bike was of the easy to adjust yourself with an allen key variety. Despite getting confused twice in a row and letting part of the headset fall down into the tube, I finally managed to understand anti-clockwise turns tightened the unit in place, did that, replaced the stem and spacers and, amazingly, it seems good.I was able to fix it in a matter of a few minutes. Just goes to show what a tiny iota of passed on knowledge can do. It saved me the time and money of having to take the bike to a professional and means I don't have to be without it for a day or two. Hurrah! The world is wonderful. 

I think that's quite enough of my witterations for now. For anyone reading, it must be like receiving a really boring e-mail which wasn't actually intended for you. Thanks for your patience.

Third time lucky

Remember my witter about 'silly' cycle jerseys? No? It was the one with the photo of boobs. Ah, you remember now.

Anyhoo (as people don't actually say), in that post, I mentioned about ordering a Foska Kwik-E-Mart jersey from Evans Cycles.

As is customary in these affairs, I paid for the jersey and it arrived in the post. As is also customary in such situations, I wore this jersey while cycling (just the once), the hem unravelled and a long white thread tried to make its way into my gearing (thankfully failing to do so). Evans was phoned, apologies were made (by them, not me), the jersey was sent back (with me paying for the shipping), time was waited and another jersey (as if by magic) arrived in the post.

Again going with custom, I opened the package and looked at the jersey. This time, I didn't even need to put it on to see it wasn't good. Down the left side, a thread had been caught, pulled and left the jersey laddered/hitched up. I'm not sure what the actual expression is but hope my stumbling wordage gets you in the right ballpark. Oh and it had dirty dusty warehouse smudges on it but they were washable.

So, on the phone to Evans I went again and this time had a good whinge at them about having to spend so much on posting the jerseys back, driving to and from the post office etc. (although I'm not sure there actually as an 'etc.'). The nice chap from Evans told me to hang on to the faulty jersey (which is wearable but not of merchantable quality) and had another one (which he inspected beforehand) sent out to me.

The new jersey, so far, seems to be in good condition and has not fallen apart after one wear. We'll see how it survives a mild wash.

In summary, the lessons learned are; Evans Cycles eventually seems to sort problems out to customers' satisfaction and whinging at people is the best way to get results.

Onto other matters...

Hasn't this week been appalling! Being one who, whenever possible, doesn't cycle in the rain, I've been going spare. I've had a terrible case of cabin fever, sitting indoors getting gradually angrier and angrier about and at the weather.

The weather isn't a great thing to get angry at. There's never any satisfactory conclusion. I can be angry at it for rainy weeks, become friends again when the rain subsides and it'll still turn round and rain all over me without any concern for how it might make me feel.

I suppose it's better to direct one's anger at the weather than at other living beings. However, in writing that, my cabin fever has made me even more insufferable to live with than normal. It's amazing quite how depressed the inactivity was making me feel. Getting out for a quick (in terms of time, not my speed) ride yesterday was like opening a frustration valve.

By nature I'm a fairly lazy chap. I don't particularly enjoy exercise for exercise sake. In fact, if I perceived cycling as exercise and not an activity, I'm not sure I would enjoy it very much. Other than cycling, I haven't been doing much cardiovascular exercise and I miss it terribly when I'm housebound by the weather. I could (and should) use a treadmill, spinning bike, cross-trainer, rowing machine and suchlike and attempt to keep get fit that way but it's not something I derive much pleasure from and find it hard to motivate myself to partake in such activities. If I was more of a fan of banging Eurotechno, I might find it easier.

Thanks for reading and may the weather where you are be always sunny (although not really because that would probably lead to some terrible problems with crops, water supplies and all that auld caper).

Legs of lead and a head full of poop

Here's hoping this attempt of mine to embed a wee map (from MapMyRide) works. At least I think that's embedding. I'd recommend clicking the view elevation button (scroll down the map) to see what my forthcoming snoozefest is about.

It's a snippet of a few miles cycling I did yesterday (along with other unmapped miles) which showed me to be the weakling I always suspected.

I am, however, a stubborn weakling as I refused to walk. I'd be lying to say I found it anything short of tough going but I twiddled up at a crawl in my tiny 30 front 29 rear gearing and eventually made it to the top. Sometimes I even threw it into a high gear like a 30/26 or 30/23 (for about ten feet at a time). I'm a regular Bert Grabsch with that kind of gearing.

That climb was probably no big whoop for most cycling types but, while pedalling up the 16% section into the strong headwind and looking at the black cloud on the mountain top, I kept thinking 'What kind of moron does this to himself?'. Needless to say, that was replaced with 'Yay! I feel brilliant for having done that' immediately upon reaching the summit.

Something I made an error of during my cycle was taking on too much caffeine. After caffeine infused gels, tablets in my juice (including accidentally dropping two into a bottle when it should have been one alone) and meeting my lovely lady for a couple of coffees (which she bought for me) on the way home, my stomach was not particularly grateful. I'm surprised my bowels didn't register a complaint too. Remarkably (and thankfully) they behaved themselves very well. Had they not, I dread to think of the consequences.

My GPS was annoying the boobies off me yesterday. It kept telling me I wasn't moving when I knew (albeit slowly) I was. It was behaving particularly badly about half way up my mountain (listen up belittling grumblers, it does officially count as a mountain) climb, bleeping constantly and being a regular pain in the bum. Eventually I had to switch the speed/cadence sensor off and let it get my pace from the GPS itself. I hope it turns out to be nothing more sinister than a battery in need of replacing. I'm sure a replacement unit is about forty pounds or more.

Has anyone been watching the UCI World Championships in Denmark? I'd say the chaps and lasses involved in that might be able to make it up my (to them) little bump of a climb yesterday hardly having broken sweat. They seem almost superhuman.

As you'll know if you're a regular here, I've been bitten by the cycle jersey buying bug of late. The other day I added to my recent addiction and got another Foska jersey. This time it was a black I Pay Road Tax jersey. What I didn't realise at the time is that it refers to the website www.IPayRoadTax.com. In my ignorance, I thought it was making referece to the majority of people on bicycles also owning cars and paying road tax. More fool me. As their website points out, I don't pay road tax at all. I pay vehicle tax. Here it is (copied and pasted) from the I Pay Road Tax website:

Road tax was abolished 74 years ago. Road tax doesn't exist. It's car tax, a tax on cars and other vehicles, not a tax on roads or a fee to use them. Motorists do not pay directly for the roads. Roads are paid for via general and local taxation. In 1926, Winston Churchill started the process to abolish road tax. It was finally culled in 1937. The ironically-named iPayRoadTax.com helps spread this message on cycle jerseys. Car tax is based on amount of CO2 emitted so, if a fee had to be paid, cyclists would pay the same as 'tax-dodgers' such as disabled drivers, police officers, the Royal family, and band A motorists, ie £0. Most cyclists are also car-owners, too, so pay VED. Many of those who believe road tax exists, want cyclists off the roads or, at least registered, but bicycle licensing is an expensive folly.

Like a lot of such websites, it appears the contributor(s) can be a bit vitriolic gut reaction at times but it generally seems fairly decent. They're also prone to taking ridiculous internet comments (which were presumably made in some pathetic attempt at humour by unfunny and unintelligent people) as if they're meant literally. I don't think that kind of action helps their cause much but they've got some good stuff to say in there too.

The point about people paying tax on their vehicles as opposed to paying directly for the road is a fair one and worth making. It is a bit of a tired cliche to hear people grumble about cyclists not paying road tax. Turns out we all don't, including those who drive Volvos.

While looking up the Foska website I noticed they sell novelty pasta. It's a bit expensive for my tastes but I still like it. I'm afraid it's much the same story when it comes to the prices of the coffee etc. at Big Maggy's online shop too. I'm a tightwad.

Today's pointless cycling thoughts

I picked a particularly attractive photograph of that young charmer Mark Cavendish. Looking at it (and being bitchy) you can see why he had a bit of dental work done a year or two back.

I'm being cheeky but, if rumours are to be believed, I was quite impressed by something Cavendish did. Apparently (according to hearsay) he will be doing as everybody thought and heading to Sky this coming season. He's (according to the same hearsay) being signed to a £2.5 million contract (very nice indeed). What I hadn't heard before, however, is that he was allegedly (same source) offered £4 million by Quick Step and turned it down.

My thinking 'That's good' isn't anything anti-Quick Step or pro-Sky. In fact, if anything, I probably like Quick Step a little more than Sky. My reasoning is that Cavendish has chosen to make a decision based upon what he wants to do rather than purely for financial gain. I think that's quite good of him, not to be a greedy money grabber. He can be a real tit at times (although can't we all) but he seems to absolutely love cycling and do it for the right reasons. At some point in the future (when things take a downturn he gets beaten into a bit of modesty) he may even come across as being likable.

Something else the rumour (if correct) shows is that Quick Step has a lot of financial backing. Of course, it may turn out the rumours are completely unfounded. Maybe he'll actually join BMC like everyone else? Hmm, maybe not.

In unrelated non-news, my good lady and I were out for a (sometimes wet but never unbearably so) cycle today. It was the first time this year I did a cycle of over fifty miles. I know some of you probably haven't done a cycle under fifty miles this year but it was a bit of a landmark for me. Without meaning to go on and on and on ad infinitum about it, my ropey knee (and lack of fitness) was keeping me from doing the cycles I might like to have. It was good to do 56.1 miles today and, I'm pleased to say, my knee feels as okay as it ever does. I nearly did fifty a few weeks ago but discovered it was 49.29 miles when I got home. I could have gone out to do 0.71 miles then but even I'm not that pathetic.

Really, mileage means nothing other than to the person doing it but it did feel like an achievement for me today to cycle the route I did without suffering knee problems. I feel my knee pain has been such an, er, pain? It's great to be able to get out cycling. Here's hoping my forthcoming physio can help clear it up completely. I'll stop repeating myself about my knee pain obsession now.

I was wittering recently about ordering one of those Foska Kwik-E-Mart jerseys. Well, I had it on today and the bloody hem unravelled part of the way round. I had a big length of thread hanging down from me. I'm lucky it didn't get caught in the drivetrain. I'll have to e-mail Evans and see if they've got a replacement. I don't believe jerseys are supposed to unravel the first time one wears them.

Yesterday I did something very long overdue and replaced the front brake cable on my Madigan bicycle. It was, as the made up word goes, an embuggerance. It should simply be a matter of loosing the part of the brakes which holds the cabling, pulling the right brake lever and feeding the cable back through its housing. Yep, that's what it should have been. As you will have ascertained, that's not what actually happened. The cable simply would not budge. Some sleuthing (ie. asking other people what might be wrong) has unearthed, what I believe to be, the answer: some stinker had used Shimano brake cabling.

I know that doesn't sound terrible but it isn't so good to use Shimano cabling with Campagnolo levers. The cabling itself is fine but the wee stoppers at the end aren't interchangeable. It would appear Shimano's cable stops are a bit larger than Campagnolo's and, if you try to use them with Campagnolo levers, they get stuck and are an embuggerance to get out. After much grumbling and pliers trying, I eventually got the cabling out with some long nosed pliers which look rather like this. I almost danced for joy when the bugger popped out. I imagine I'll have similar fun when it comes to doing the back brake and the gearing.

I know that's not interesting but it might be useful so you can avoid a similar problem yourself.

I'll bore off now.

Silly Cycle Jerseys

Maybe silly isn't the right word for the jerseys I'm going to babble about. A silly cycle jersey might be one made of a material entirely unsuitable for purpose. For example, a paper cycle jersey (while good at blocking the wind on descents, for a while anyway) would be a silly cycle jersey; it wouldn't wash very well and the wicking properties are at best questionable. No, the more I think of it, the more I realise the jerseys I'll bore you about with my prattling barely related nonsense aren't silly.I suppose they're more flippant. That's not to be confused with flippant the bird, a practice one shouldn't undertake even with the most arrogant of drivers (unless one wishes said driver to turn round and drive over one).

Was there a reason or point to this? Barely and I'll struggle to make it with a series of terrible puns and vaguely related/disjointed paragraphs. Have fun reading...

Does a cycle jersey say much about the person wearing it? I'm not sure. I guess it does as much as general day to day clothing. Possibly more. In fact, almost definitely more. If pressed (I'm so sick of strangers constantly asking my opinion on cycle jersey purchasing) I'd say, for most, there's a more proactive process in buying and wearing cycle clothing than with general clothes. Perhaps I'm too subjective on this subject because I probably put more thought into my cycle clothing purchases than my general garb. In my case it's partly because my cycling ensembles tend to be more expensive than my normal clothing. That's not to say my cycling attire is of the highest quality and price. It's not. I'm an equal opportunities tightwad cheapskate in all walks of life.

In summary, it's safe to say one's cycle jersey says something about him/her. What is this something it says?

As usual, all I can do is write from personal experience or the shared experiences of friends. As I have no friends, that narrows it down to personal experience. When I started cycling as an adult (see old posts like this for some boredom about that subject) I was a bit of a moron when it comes to cycle clothing. At first, I didn't want 'Stupid looking Lycra shorts' or anything like that. After getting more into cycling and buying a second hand Peugeot road bike (which I still have a soft spot for but never use nowadays) I realised wearing activity appropriate clothing was a good move. Let the ne'r-do-wells scoff at me all they like.

Initially I deliberately bought very plain jerseys etc. I was very much of the opinion that 'I'm not going to wear any team stuff because I'm not a competitive cyclist and, even if I was, I wouldn't be at the level of the pros and shouldn't wear their stuff'. While I'm no faster or more competitive than I was and am more aware than ever of the huge gap in fitness between me and professional cyclists, I've since bought a few team jerseys. At the time, I also thought drivers might think 'Aye, there's one of those Lycra clad wannabe cycle race b@5t@rd5' and didn't want anyone behind the wheel of a potential battering ram to show any more bitterness toward me than was absolutely necessary. Come to think of it, I still reckon some motorists might be a bit that way. I am, however, of the opinion people with such attitudes will look for something to aggravate them in anything. There's no winning with some people.

Something which put me off wearing team kit was an example of my own snideness. We were passing a guy in a Fassa Bortolo kit one day. He was less than slim and I commented (only to the passenger in the car) 'Fatty Bartolo' (I was throwing stones and risked breaking the glass in my own house). It made me think 'If I'm a snide enough twat to say that, what could I expect passing motorists to shriek out the window at me?'. Not being a fan of random abuse, I shied away from such clothing for a while. I still don't wear much team kit but, at the same time, I like watching the Pro Tour and now see no reason not to wear associated clothing. I'm evidently less snide and more confident than I once was.

'What does any of this rubbish have to do with silly or flippant cycle jerseys?' you ask (if you're still reading). If you did ask that, you've made a good point. I have wittered rather. It's not much of a post really; it's merely about my penchant for more flippant cycle jerseys. I order a couple of Foska Simpsons themed jerseys (from Evans Cycles) today and it made me think 'I'm partial to a bit of silly jersey'. I should have thought 'I'm partial to a bit of a flippant jersey'. The jerseys I ordered were the Kwik-E-Mart short sleeve and the Duff Beer long sleeve. They're hardly especially zany shirts to wear and I wouldn't wear t-shirts of them in my day to day life (admittedly this makes little sense) but here's hoping they're a good fit and look well. I suppose, going back to an earlier point, part of the reason (in addition to my simply liking them) in getting such jerseys is in the (vain?) hope some motorists might think 'Ach, he's just some spud out to have fun on his bike. I'll not bother running over him'.

I also bought a half price token from the Bike Radar Daily Deal thingamajig to get a jersey off the Half Baked Brand website. That's what started all this off today and led to my looking at (and then buying) the Foska jerseys. I really shouldn't sign up for special offer e-mails. They end up costing me a lot. I'm not sure which jersey to get from Half Baked Brand. I'd have liked the long sleeve Milking It! jersey but it's only available in enormous sizes and I'm a wretched little pune. The short sleeve Milking It! is good but I wish it didn't have the words 'Milking It!' on the back. The green Milking It! (which reminds me a little of Sky's Tour de France ensemble) doesn't have the words on the back but I think I might prefer the white jersey (although the green appeals to me more as I keep looking at it). The white jersey is probably more noticeable and that's something worth taking into account, although the green isn't exactly subtle itself. Another option, which would be less selfish, would be to get my good lady the pink Milking It! jersey. Oh such awful high pressure decisions! The more I look at them, the more I think any of them would be good.

Whichever I pick (with the exception of my showing an unusual generosity and choosing to get a top for not me) it can join my Tunnocks Teacakes, various Primal and Northwave jerseys and whatever other associated tat I pull round my unfit form and sweat profusely in.

Ultimately the jersey means most to the wearer and much less than the wearer. It doesn't help me go faster or get fitter but it might increase my enjoyment in giving it a bash.

NB Believe it or not, this wasn't entirely an excuse to show a picture of a lady with her painted bosoms on display. I had started blethering on long before I found the picture.